The Poolie Bunker

by **charco** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:27 pm

PJPoolie wrote:Why should I get off anywhere it’s a public forum, you keep contributing utter shite I’ll keep telling you.

Thread title "One Liners 3rd edition!"
Author: Monkeybutt

Why do you bother to open it?
Masochism?

by **born toulouse** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:32 pm

To be fair to Mr Butt he has admitted to previously supporting Manchester United and to adopting Pools later in life. Fair enough, and you can't blame him for enjoying PSG getting what they deserve.
Unlike his endless shut jokes that are often offensive. He came out with a similar 'snowflake' defence for his homophobic shite but deleted the posts in the end. Maybe the overall penny will drop one day? It did as far as football clubs are concerned.

by **yloop** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:53 am

Sadly he didn’t delete those posts either.

by **tREE_wiTH_hAMStER** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 8:48 am

Not only does he do shit jokes but he spoilt my Xmas by not making bread.

hth

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:27 am

tREE_wiTH_hAMStER wrote:Not only does he do shit jokes but he spoilt my Xmas by not making bread.

hth

Sorry, will make it up to you.

by **tREE_wiTH_hAMStER** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 11:00 am

Monkeybutt wrote:
Sorry, will make it up to you.

by **Compo** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 11:08 am

I would call Yloop a lot of things and have done in past as he is a tosser

but a snowflake isn’t one of them.

by **Brian Honour's Left Foot** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 3:12 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:I asked my nephew for the phone book, and he handed me his iphone, saying, “Uncle, you’re so old!”

Anyway, to cut a long story short, spider dead, phone smashed, nephew livid.

by **Bluestreak** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:42 pm

I only hope no spiders were hurt in the making of this joke.

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:05 pm

Today is International Women's Day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get ready.

by **Brian Honour's Left Foot** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 8:48 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:Today is International Women's Day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get ready.

Does Mrs Butt read this? If so, has she cut them off yet?

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:17 pm

Still waiting :angry-tappingfoot:

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Mar 11, 2019 9:17 am

Remember the days when you could go to the shops with 50p and get a wham bar, bag of pic an mix, comic, can o pop, bag o crisps, gob stopper and bar of choccy and still come home with change, u cant do that these days, bastard cctv!

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 14, 2019 10:37 am

I wish I could find out who nicked the Jack from under my car.
The Suspension is killing me.

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Mar 16, 2019 5:43 pm

Why are there so many female Archaeologists?

Because women love digging up the past!

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Mar 18, 2019 11:57 pm

I went to a kleptomaniacs anonymous meeting last night but all the seats were taken...

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:43 am

Why does my wife always wait until i`m at the opposite end of the house before asking me to `Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!`?

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:56 am

I was walking down the street yesterday and someone threw a block of cheese at me !

I thought "that's mature"

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:10 pm

I come from a family of failed magicians.
I’ve got two half sisters

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:35 pm

What`s a catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A black coat, a white collar and you have to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Mar 23, 2019 10:01 am

My girlfriend and I were on our way to see my parents when her car suffered a puncture....I rang my parents and spoke to my mum..." Hi Mum, we are gonna be late, my girlfriend has a puncture", she replied, " Oh Malcolm, I thought you had a real one this time!!".......

by **Monkeybutt** » Sun Mar 24, 2019 12:19 am

I took my wife to a disco at the weekend.
There was this guy on the dancefloor giving it large, breakdancing, moonwalking, backflips, the works.
My wife turned to me and said, "see that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.
I said, "looks like he's still celebrating!"

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Mar 26, 2019 8:31 pm

Just bought a new first aid kit...

Thought I’d treat myself.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:27 pm

Did you know Ann Boleyn had a brother called Tenpin.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:29 pm

I despise people who do not have foot digits, I believe i`m lacktoes intolerant.

by **Monkeybutt** » Sun Mar 31, 2019 10:36 am

I've just been reading the script for the new 'Fairy Liquid' Advert.
Which has been updated to reflect modern Britain.

"Mummy, why are your hands so soft?"

"Because I'm only 14. Now shut up and eat your Pot Noodle before your Dad finishes school!"

by **Monkeybutt** » Sun Mar 31, 2019 10:51 am

I failed my ventriloquist exams...

I can't say I'm surprised!?

by **Monkeybutt** » Sun Mar 31, 2019 4:05 pm

I went to get my tests results from the doctors today.
He said, “I have good news and bad news.”
I said, "So, what’s the good news?”
“Well,” he replied, “You’re not a hypochondriac.”

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Apr 03, 2019 7:33 pm

WARNING

Do not buy underpants from the Ukraine

Chernobyl fall out..

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Apr 05, 2019 6:46 pm

Holiday in Amsterdam - Have sex and get stoned

Holiday in Saudi Arabia - Have sex and get stoned

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Apr 06, 2019 6:03 pm

Sat in a restaurant, I got hit on the head by a prawn cocktail, looked round and the waiter shouts,
‘That’s just for starters!’

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:32 pm

Little Johnny is sitting in front of the TV watching a program about NASA.
"I wish I could be shot into space" he said

"You would have been if your father had done what he was told" replied his mother......!

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Apr 10, 2019 9:11 am

The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next month...

There'll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes.

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:34 pm

I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he’d had.
He started to count in his head and fell asleep

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:36 pm

A Woman described me as a" Bit of a Looker"the other Day.

Well, Peeping Tom was the actual words she used.

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Apr 12, 2019 6:49 pm

just tried some of Elvis Costello's new Mediterranean sausages. They were wonderful.
I think olive salami is here to stay.

by **Kenny Bottles** » Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:37 pm

Yesterday, I ate two pieces of string, and today they've come out tied together.

I shit you knot...

by **kevin pooles gloves** » Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:59 pm

Next seasons season ticket sale pitch is stay loyal your brilliant support 12th man etc will play a major factor in our promotion push.
Sorry we finished below this seasons target of consolidation. :laugh:

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Apr 16, 2019 2:56 pm

My friend's pet snake's somehow climbed into my freezer.
I'm not sure how to tell him...
Think I'll just give it to him straight.

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:04 pm

Went to a restaurant for a meal last night with the wife, slipped the shoes off and played footsie under the table.
I had steak and she got toed in the hole!

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:21 pm

Whoever told me masturbation is better with a dead arm, fuck you!

I just ruined a funeral..

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Apr 19, 2019 12:46 pm

Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you`re a Saint

Go to the womens shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone goes ape :hand:

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Apr 20, 2019 6:49 pm

It may be the warmest day of the year so far,

but I made the decision to wear my PVC suit, and I'm sticking to it!

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Apr 23, 2019 11:32 am

I was stood outside the pub yesterday and a woman walked up to me with a unlit cigarette and said "Do you have a light cock?"

I replied "Well it floats when I'm in the bath"

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Apr 29, 2019 12:26 pm

Hello, and welcome to Archery Club.

Will all new members step forward and take a bow

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:35 pm

Just returned to a job at the local sewage works.

Nice to see so many old faeces.

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Apr 30, 2019 12:07 pm

Police recruiters have, once again, lowered their IQ requirement...

The plod thickens.

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed May 01, 2019 3:33 pm

So, is a mini cooper, some kind of midget barrel maker?

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu May 02, 2019 2:59 pm

When Lord Nelson died he was 5 foot tall.
His statue in London is 15 feet tall.
That's Horatio of 3:1

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri May 03, 2019 3:33 pm

"Its a BOY"
I shouted with tears rolling down my face!

"I don`t believe it, a BOY"

It was at that moment I decided I would never visit Thailand again!

The Poolie Bunker

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