The Poolie Bunker

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 11:07 pm

For sale, limited edition bottle of Tippex,
it’s a corrector’s item.

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:35 am

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams fillum is Mrs Fire.

by **Snowy** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:42 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:For sale, limited edition bottle of Tippex,
it’s a corrector’s item.

Only in Japan.

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 5:50 pm

Did you hear about the cheese-monger who painted his wife?

Double Gloucester.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 4:42 pm

Feeling very pleased with myself if not a bit guilty...just back from town..I found a box of fish fingers in the street. ...

Oh well, findus keepers.

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 10:09 am

I bought one of those language tapes that you play and listen to while you're asleep. Unbeknown to me while I was asleep, the tape kept skipping.
Now I can Stutter fluently in Spanish.

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Feb 09, 2019 2:48 pm

I heard one tennis player refuses to own a Hoover.

They call him No-vac Djokovic

by **Monkeybutt** » Sun Feb 10, 2019 11:23 am

I've been accused of plagiarism.

Their words, not mine.

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:47 am

Managed to get a table booked for Valentines night...our lass won’t be happy though....
she hates Snooker!

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:20 am

If you`re sad about being alone on Valentines day, just remember....
Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either!

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:22 am

My obese parrot died yesterday
That's a weight off my shoulder!

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:29 pm

Amnesia has affected my memory of certain ’80s bands,

there’s no Cure.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:31 pm

I asked my nephew for the phone book, and he handed me his iphone, saying, “Uncle, you’re so old!”

Anyway, to cut a long story short, spider dead, phone smashed, nephew livid.

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Feb 15, 2019 10:29 am

Scientists claim that beer contains female hormones.

They could be right.

After 8 pints I can't drive and start to talk shite!

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Feb 15, 2019 10:40 am

The circus are getting rid of some of their narcoleptic jugglers...

They're having a dozing clown sale.

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Feb 15, 2019 5:53 pm

Apparently, the surgeon who perfected the sex change operation has been nominated for the no ball prize.

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Feb 16, 2019 7:00 pm

"Black really is slimming on you, you've never looked sexier!" I assured the missus...

"Turn the light back on you prick “she replied

by **Dany Krap** » Sun Feb 17, 2019 7:22 am

Monkeybutt wrote:Scientists claim that beer contains female hormones.

They could be right.

After 8 pints I can't drive and start to talk shite!

What do you mean "After 8 pints"

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Feb 22, 2019 10:49 pm

Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a rucksack and went up to the Lake District, walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee. Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I...
Sorry, I'm rambling...!!

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:56 am

Was Mao Tse-Tung buried somewhere special? Or was it just a communist plot.

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:04 pm

I'm not saying I'm unfit or anything,
But my personal best for the 100 metres is 65 metres.

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Feb 26, 2019 5:06 pm

Did you know that a candles flame smells like burnt nostril hair ?

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Feb 27, 2019 7:06 pm

Just joined a low self esteem group at the community centre

Entrance via the back door

by **Monkeybutt** » Fri Mar 01, 2019 9:20 pm

My wife and I used to have a waterbed.
We had to get rid of it, as her side kept freezing!

by **Monkeybutt** » Sat Mar 02, 2019 6:46 pm

Warning to the bastard that stole my glasses.
I have contacts

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:25 am

My missus sent me a text, "Where are you?"

"I'm at my anger management meeting."

"How's it going?"

"Not good, I'll fill you in later."

by **Monkeybutt** » Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:21 pm

In 1802 the Welsh invented the condom using a sheeps lower intestine.
In 1822 the English refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first!

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Mar 05, 2019 12:04 pm

Knock knock
Who's there?
Dejav
Dejav who?
Knock knock...

by **Monkeybutt** » Tue Mar 05, 2019 12:20 pm

Did you know that the Magnificent 7 once did an aftershave commercial at Liverpool football ground ?
Well actually only 6 did because Yul never wore cologne

by **Monkeybutt** » Wed Mar 06, 2019 2:56 pm

According to the news, Elton John has put on so much weight recently, he is having to have his trousers specially made for him.

Time to say 'Goodbye normal jeans'

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:31 pm

I went to a bulimic disco last night.

The place was heaving.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:33 pm

If anything good comes out of global warming it will be that in a few years Dancing on Ice won't be on the fucking telly!

by **yloop** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:12 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:I went to a bulimic disco last night.

The place was heaving.

This is a bit far like. Again.

How many times does this shit have to be deleted before it stops completely?

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:17 pm

Yloop is a prime example of Generation Snowflake, the none-too-flattering nickname for today’s young people, thanks to their emotional – and often dramatic – reactions to global news and social issues.

by **yloop** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:32 pm

Absolutely not. You're just not funny and have no idea how these things affect people.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:33 pm

yloop wrote:Absolutely not. You're just not funny and have no idea how these things affect people.

Just scroll past it then, nobody forces you to read the fucker!

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:35 pm

yloop wrote:Absolutely not. You're just not funny and have no idea how these things affect people.

I get people stopping me in Tesco telling me i`m a hoot.

by **yloop** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:37 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:
Just scroll past it then, nobody forces you to read the fucker!

Yeah, that's the solution, how about stop posting absolute shite for your own gratification?

by **PJPoolie** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:41 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:
I get people stopping me in Tesco telling me i`m a hoot.

Of course you do :laugh:

[x] Best spurious remark since hat man.

[x] Finally posts something I have laughed at.

[x] Stories that happen in your mind when you are asleep are not ‘Tesco’.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 6:24 pm

It is a bit like touching wet paint when the sign clearly states what is is, if you don`t like my humour then don`t open the thread, PJ can`t help it as he is obsessed with me but Yloop, you should know better :hand:

by **yloop** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:27 pm

Oh do fuck off, you’re in the wrong and not for the first time. Blame me all you want but it’s still you posting this shite.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:31 pm

yloop wrote:Oh do fuck off, you’re in the wrong and not for the first time. Blame me all you want but it’s still you posting this shite.

And once again, don`t fucking read it.

by **PJPoolie** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:33 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:It is a bit like touching wet paint when the sign clearly states what is is, if you don`t like my humour then don`t open the thread, PJ can`t help it as he is obsessed with me but Yloop, you should know better

Delusions of grandeur? Obsessed with you :laugh:

No just a genuine and quite valid point about your awful patter on this forum. I am not offended by you, certainly aren’t obsessed by you but the biggest issue is it’s not YOUR humour, these threads don’t include an original thought from you, they are lifted from elsewhere. It’s utter shite, The Bunker used to be funny, genuinely funny at times without being forced. You are to comedy what Fred West was to the sub letting business.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:43 pm

Just get off the thread and don`t read it man, if it bothers you or any other sycophants so much, stay the fuck off, don`t reply, each to their own etc, now piss off i`m having my tea :hand:

by **yloop** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:43 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:
And once again, don`t fucking read it.

And still you don’t get it, what a fucking arsehole you are.

by **PJPoolie** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:49 pm

Monkeybutt wrote:Just get off the thread and don`t read it man, if it bothers you or any other sycophants so much, stay the fuck off, don`t reply, each to their own etc, now piss off i`m having my tea

Why should I get off anywhere it’s a public forum, you keep contributing utter shite I’ll keep telling you.

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again you are the worst poster in the history of The Bunker.

Only yesterday you were getting excited about ‘United’ winning which I read Terry Christian’s voice which smelt of true colours, how can you be taken seriously when you change the football team you support at any point of your life?? Also disregarding you now support another ‘utd’.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 9:56 pm

Means a lot, cheers :obscene-sexualvlick:

by **Sussex UK** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:10 pm

Joking about a serial rapist and murderer like Fred West isn't funny PJ.

by **PJPoolie** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:19 pm

Loid Blackwell wrote:Joking about a serial rapist and murderer like Fred West isn't funny PJ.

Whey Hey, ands here’s Billy Desperate King of all the Gammons.

by **Monkeybutt** » Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:20 pm

Loid Blackwell wrote:Joking about a serial rapist and murderer like Fred West isn't funny PJ.

Having you as a back up is not gonna help, bit like saying I`m mates with Jimmy Saville :doh:

The Poolie Bunker

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