Just been to watch Grantham Town beat Stourbridge 4-2 (my daughter dances there so thought why not). Was also a scouting mission for new players for when we reform. Grantham had a commanding centre half complete with hair band and their front two linked up really well together. They also have a tricky winger who got man of the match justifiably. Was good to watch, Grantham look very good going forward. Everything we're not, quick, direct and a target man who does a really good job of winning headers for his speedy teammate.

Anyway, I digress.

On the way home I finally lost it at the number of dickheads driving around with four headlights lit. Are you a four light wanker? Are you fucking blind? It's not foggy you morons and if you can't see with just the two headlights, guess what? You shouldn't be fucking driving. I'm so pleased for you that you can see that extra bit of road immediately in front of your front bumper that you have to lean over your steering wheel to see, it matters not that you could be blinding oncoming traffic, just providing you're ok.

And the Nissan Juke that has SIX front headlights? Holy Mother of God. Tossers.

Hang your heads in shame you four light wankers. It doesn't look cool. You look like not nice people.

Thanks.

Fucking hate them. I high beam them.

Aye, I've started to as well. Obviously we should be able to rise above it but I can't. I am weak and if you are a four light wanker, you deserve full beam.

Even rear foglights do my head in. They can fuck off.

I hear poolieinnottingham has just fitted some extra ones on his golf.

I'm getting a less toleratant driver with age. If people don't indicate when turning right on a roundabout I just pull out providing there's enough time for them to have to break heavily to avoid me.

It's only been a relatively recent thing but it's really taking the piss now.

And don't get me started on day lights. What the absolute fuck are they all about? We have something called, hmm, the sun which is pretty bright. Even if it's cloudy it's hardly dark is it? Again, if you can't tell that the big fucking car shaped thing coming towards you is moving, then put your keys in a drawer and get the fucking bus everywhere. Or a train.

Seconded.

Some people see a tiny bit of fog and must think 'I have a fog light, it's a bit foggy therefore I must use it regardless, even when I am sat in traffic. The car behind me might not know I am there even though I can see perfectly the five cars in front of me'

Zero common sense.

They also get full beam until they turn it off.

Yes, yes Mr crab, me too. I am a very grumpy old man.

I am no genius but I can not stand fuckwits with no thought for others.

I think they're law now on any new cars. Don't like the retina burning LED ones though, they can fuck off.

Do you mean Greatham?

Mr PaulL, I like your first paragraph and I am sure you are a jolly nice chap however your second paragraph (sentence/whatever) makes me think that you are either on the wind up or as deluded as our Trust hating friends.

Just how far in advance do you need to see the oncoming car? If it's dark, headlights are on, everyone's happy. If it's daylight or even cloudy and /or raining perhaps vision is impaired slightly but it's a CAR, it is not a small thing. Like I said, how early do you need to see it? Thinking of veering onto the other side of the road if the coast was clear were you? No, thought not. Don't be silly Mr PaulL. Providing you are not blind or have a visual impairment, you will see the onrushing car in ample time to drive accordingly...or veer onto the other side of the road if you wish.

I prefer Mr Paul.

Always have.

Indicator lights drain your battery, use all your fuel, dangerously distract you from doing other driving related pastimes, and nobody needs to know what your next move will be anyway.

Í just can't see why they bother installing them and completely agree with the 75% of drivers who ignore their existence.

Time to come home Mr Montpoolier, you have spent too long in France.

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Î totally agree that up to 4 years ago I spent a disproportionate amount of time in France.

The Nissan Puke is the ugliest vehicle on the road bar none - anyone who purchases one of these monstrosities should face a mandatory full eye test before they get behind the wheel and switch on those six front headlights.

This thread made me chuckle.

I agree with loads of it. People who don’t know how to use fog lights should be restrained and blinded by excessive light shone in their eyes from zero fucking metres.

I’m puzzled as to how the OP thinks that geezers can turn off running lights when the car doesn’t give you the option though. Unless he reckons you should pull the bulbs in daylight and stick them back in at night.

I bought a new car recently and im pretty sure there are four lights on when i turn the main beam on.

There is also no way for me to turn off lights during the day. It just has these 2 really stupid lights that are always on...

BMW driver then?

Always thought fog lights made the car go faster, wankers.

I genuinely thought there was an option to turn them off. Haven't had a car that was built in the current century for a very long time so have no idea about new cars.

My solution though is to smash the fucking things with a hammer or similar.

There is definitely a way to turn off the 2 other lights when your main beam is on. Deffo. Please research and sort Mr 92.

Day lights. See previous post. Use a hammer.

Just got a new car and you can't switch off the running lights. Also does its own full beam etc and dips the lights when it spots other cars. Unless you get a bit of mud on the camera in which case it just burns out everybody's retinas with a lazer like LED attack at all times.

I think this might make me a multi-light wanker but not as much of a wanker as people with lights that have a bit of blue or purple flickering in them. They're the worst bastads.

Running lights aren't the problem, they wouldn't even hurt your eyes if you'd just woken up. I've never seen a car that you can't control the fog lights on, given the fact it's illegal to have them on when it's not foggy would make it ridiculous for car manufacturers to install such a feature.

Jeez, does it pack your sandwiches up and give you a kiss before driving you to work too? That's a fancy car Mr toulouse.

I am almost willing to concede on day lights you can't turn off, almost. But your car just sounds like an evil bastard.

You're not wrong there it is an evil bastard. When you stop it puts little graphs up on a touch screen to tell you you're a destroying the world by driving too fast. It even gives you a score out of 100. Why would you put that in there as well as having the option to put the engine in sports mode?

It's only a Renault Megane but they found out that people thought their interiors were shit so if you go a bit up the range you end up with all manner of useless technology.

I got my first speeding ticket due to my usual garage leaving my fog lights on after an MOT.

Happily driving home later that day at night and got pulled over by a bobby for doing 57mph in a 40mph.

Turns out he had been following me for a bit as he past me on other side of the road and saw I had fog lights on.

Never went back to that garage after that.

I think I may be a member of the eight light wanker elite (ELWE), Full beam, Dipped Beam, Day/Side lights, Fog lights.

When we go bust I'm going to put a set of pools floodlights on mine.

I wear glasses/contact lenses due to an astigmatism in both eyes. One result of that is that I get dazzled really easily; I hate being behind anyone who keeps their brakes on in stationary traffic as it hurts my eyes. Fog lights can fuck right off, for me. Along with the 4x4 drivers who haven't bothered to adjust the angle of their dipped headlights and dazzle the fuck out of me, especially when the not nice people get right behind me on the motorway.

I love a good misanthropic thread!

You’d love it out here Mr Fat Man as at least half of them don’t bother with headlights (unless they are driving up your arse flashing you to move over, I swear at times they feel that close it’s as they’re sitting in your back seat) I saw an Ambulance with them off the other day, also things like indicators are surplus to requirements. What is the correct side of the road is open to interpretation and right of way is always yours if you an Arab bloke. One thing they do insist on though is constantly being on there mobile phone, especially whilst weaving through traffic at high speed. It’s a good job most of them don’t drive massive 4x4 killing machines.... orrr fuck.

Finding myself getting dazzled really easily recently, worse with me glasses on though.

Someone asked if i had tried cleaning the inside on my windscreen (i never have) not sure what difference that makes like.

It gets rid of the pizza and kebab grease.

HTH.

I replaced my headlight bulbs with tea lights as I don`t do much driving in the dark, bastard when it is windy and if going longer than half an hour, put yankee candles behind them for when full beam required, ingenius device actually, piece of foil between candles and string attached, just pull to release

I was unaware you could get a speeding ticket for someone else leaving on your fog lights .....I'll make a note of that

Rule 226 of the Highway Code states: "You MUST NOT use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced as they dazzle other road users and can obscure your brake lights.
Most drivers probably don’t know there turned on or forget too turn them off after driving in poor visibility. I get the impression a lot of drivers use them to give better night visibility not realising they are blinding oncoming drivers.
I have never known anyone who has been prosecuted though.

I’ve had this in me head all morning now


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Holy shit.

My car has a tape player.

Gordon Stanley Bennett.

Sell your car Mr aptid, you are a danger to all reasonable thinking folk.

What colour are your eyes?

They're blue aren't they?

It is a FACT that people with blue eyes get dazzled more than those without.

I have one blue eye and 1 grey eye actually. Il try closing my grey one on way home and report back.

WTF?

Freak.

Has Billy Smart been in touch about joining his circus?

My mother says it makes me special.

That's not what makes you 'special'.

And you don't even have a dog.

I went to University with Billy Smart's grandson. He was a dick (the grandson, that is); didn't get why I laughed when he said, 'call me BJ'.

Monkeybutt can confirm the presence of a 4 legged dog at my abode.

I can, it is a springer cabbage.

Yep, it certainly does.