Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

You know you're ugly , when it comes to the group picture , and they hand you the camera

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

An idiot gave you a piece of his mind any you've been using it ever since.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

That's funny!

What's the difference between a street trader and a dachshund? One bawls out his wares on the pavement....

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Whats the difference between a cloud over Ascot and the Queen's knickers....a cloud over Ascot covers the Royal Hunt Cup.

Finally, after years of waiting, my book on having sex with herbs has been published.

Its about fucking thyme.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.

If ever there was a thread title that did not match the content, this is it.

Your contribution will be welcomed then to enhance it

This post was made by monkeybutt who is currently on your ignore list. Display this post.

Seriously this thread and the one about smilies, Jesus Christ.

About as funny as leprosy.

Gone are the days of the 'no rarfs arms' and some properly decent satire on here.

Jeez was my joke THAT bad? Not even gonna apologise, it's genuinely funny.

It was funny, the issue is PJ has a tumour on his humour and is a miserable git, now if it`s rage you want, he`s your man eh

Bowman signing great signing

Bilbo woke up this morning to find a large Tesco had been built next to his home, it was an unexpected item in the `Baggins` area!

The difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman, one is a superhero and the other is an instruction to the wife.

That is on a whole new level that shite even by your standards.

Aw c`mon, that is funny, them arabs won`t know what hits em when you start telling them these.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?
A: Oil of Ole.

I first realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat

He'll regret it until his dying day....if ever he lives that long !!

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.

I was just boasting in the pub how i`m sleeping with a set of twins, all the lads were impressed but one asked "how I tell them apart"?," easy" I said, " Michelle has dark hair and Dave has a moustache"!

Snigger.....

“Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara.”

when writing my novel I had writers block and couldn't think of a word for 2 weeks. then I got it, a fortnight

I sat up all night trying to figure out where the sun had gone.............then it dawned on me

Steve Howard's second spell at Pools.

How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

"Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down."

Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him… A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Not one line but hey...

At least half of them aren't one liners.

I can't add anything telling more than saying this worse than the bread thread. Yes, I know.

Did someone force you to read it?, a joke thread isn`t really your thing anyhow, At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

Yes, it's a joke thread, you said it

I'm not trying to be unkind it's just nobody else is laughing or contributing.

2560 views suggests someone is reading it, humour is like anal sex, to some it is a pain in the arse!

You and me account for around 2486 of those views.

I agree humour is subjective yours isn't funny to me but that doesn't mean it isn't funny.

I only view threads because I don't like the orange icon.

I block monkeybutt so I can complete my thread list without seeing his shite.

For the record it's not funny.

The Ebola virus was funnier, as was that fire at the orphanage, but humour is subjective.

You crave me like a takewaway

I'm only reading it as I'm playing 'what PJ will describe monkeybutts jokes as being as funny as' bingo. Only need two more for a line

They’ve now designed a new razor for dyslexics,
it’s the best thing since sliced beard.