It's years since I was subject to a birdshit strike, and I can't recall anyone I know suffering one recently either. Do they still happen, or is a bit like white dogshit?

And no one seems to get strangled these days, why the lack of stranglers?

Never hear of strangers anymore. You knew what they looked like cause they always had a grey mac with collars turned up and a hat like inspector gadget.

It's Bird Guano, Don'tcha know!!!! Please adhere to the Bunker terms and conditions!

It's a rare thing these days, like white dog shit.


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As I was getting into my car yesterday one shat on my roof and I got a small bit of splash back. I remember when I was at school, i knelt down to tie my shoelaces and got shat on my right hand by a bird, hell of a shot.

I don't know what kind of sea birds fly over Blyth but, coming out of there, a few weeks ago, my car was hit by a laser guided strike of guano that just about covered the entire windscreen. I have never seen a quantity of shit like it! It was like when a lorry comes in the opposite direction on a rainy day and hits you with a tsunami of road filth. It virtually obliterated my view out. Not necessarily a bad thing in Blyth.

I was saying the other week that you never here of 'flashers' anymore. They were all the rage back in the day. I suppose it was back in the days before the Internet where these folk obviously get their kicks now at the press of a button. It was a far more innocent World back then when grown men used wear a long coat and show their cocks to groups of kids or alone young women. I miss those days.

Prowlers as well, what has happened to all the prowlers?

Mr PJ, I can send you a link (probably), if you need a new Mac?????

You dos't protestest far too much!

You're not going to get close enough to anyone to expose yourself whilst making a noise like Sid James (the official sound of flashers) smelling of wet dog.

I am not protesting at all I openly miss them when even criminals were gentlemen and turned out well to stalk dark alleyways or show a startled old woman an erect penis. I don't want to be buying anything from the dodgy clobber outlets you patronise and end smelling like moist canine.

The reason you don't see birdshite any more is because all the birds are occupied with their vendetta against me.

Do people still buy porno mags? Was at Wolviston services yesterday and noticed they had a few for sale.

As an apprentice we had an engineer who was a Canute . He had a car, so polished, it gave him an orgasm every time he looked at it. One victim used to get his revenge by putting the remains of his sarnies on the car roof, the gulls shit all over it and knackered the paint work with scratches.
Be careful who you cross.

Got shat on by a seagull in Bristol on an away day and then again in London about 6 months after that, by presumably a pigeon. Also got shat on by a seagull on the way to my work experience at the general hospital in 1995. I'm like a birdshit magnet it seems

Two of us were working out the back of the fish quay and lifting a piece of kit into place and facing each other barely a foot apart. Yet, a Stuka seagull dropped a direct hit on the front of him splatter free, it was claggy but solid.
Pissed him off because he prides himself on his immaculate turn out.

As good as this one?

Any chance the forum can be renamed Mr. PiN's Coprophiliac Corner?

He's really struck a chord (or trodden in something) with this thread and the Bowie Themed Toilet.

Excellent suggestion, would make my day. Could have a photo of the Mill House seats covered in guano to go with it.

Which makes me think, maybe they're all saving it up for those seats instead of people?