i`m opening one above the DFS in Stockton, which is ironic really as the Mission statement of the club is Don`t Fucking Shift.

Staff will bring you Carb packed snacks so you can fill your pouch on the couch, travellators to all restercise areas, we promise no exersion will be tolerated and Takeaways provided by our sponsor, Venezia Pizza.

I'm only joining if it's got chocolate fountains instead of water faucets.

Water?, don`t you use filthy words in my facility, chocolate fountains will be running out of the hot tap and do not use americanisms in my gaff pal

Pot Noodles?

Is the Milk alcoholic.
Or that Saddlesworth Moor goats milk bottled from when Pound Notes were in circulation.

Goes without saying, with a lard foam

I have sold out my idea and it is now to be called ` Absolutely Flabulous`, everyone will still know it as fat fuckers but with the cash I can get in new couches, cook everything in lard and a new badge with a jabba on it next year.

Chillaxin, relaxin, nothing too taxin