Currently in Florence and the little bleeders have caught me unprepared , anything you can put on them to get rid quickly, the itchy bites that is?

I saw some genius expert advice on BBC news last weekend for those going to the Rio Olympics in wake of the Zica virus, I swear this was a genuine bullet point that they put on the screen;

*Avoid being bitten by mosquitoes

So I'm sorry of this is little help but you should have done that.

Then the same bloke, who I presume they were paying to impart with this insight said buy some Mosquito spray containing deet. Yeah thanks nobody I bet had even ever thought of that travelling to the tropics.

Oh and by the way when you buy that stuff and cover yourself in it, the complete and utter little twats still eat you alive.

Loads of tips, using a hair dryer on them gives pretty quick relief. The bites that is although nuking the little pricks might also be satisfying.
Antiseptic cream also helps.

My personal fave is a blow job as it takes your mind of the itching, just beware of hair in your teeth though.

Her indoors has recommended the kids' Clearasil spot cream, but its doing very little.

Drink Gin and smoke a pipe. .

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As someone who spent a month in India without any anti-malaria injections or tablets and who didn't get bitten once by a mosquito, I can claim to be a bit of an expert on this:

Just cover every single square inch of your skin.

Walk about with a Border Lakeland Terrier with a few Lambs Livers cellotaped to its back....realy works!!!!

When I went to Egypt I got bitten badly one night, went to a pharmacy to get some sort of relief and the pharmacist told me not to bother and smother my leg in natural yoghurt for an hour.
It worked, stopped itching almost instantly and the bites cleared within a couple of days.

We got loads of the little f*ckers out here (luckily no malaria though), and I find aloe vera based gels or creams help stop the itching and making the welts heal more quickly.

Buy some vinegar and rub it on the bites. The itching goes immediately. Best remedy ever. I've spent loads of time in mosquito-ravaged countries.

Tea-tree oil is good. Soak some cotton wool in water, then sprinkle a few drops of tea-tree on to it and rub onto your wrists, forehead, neck, anywhere that's not covered up. Mozzies hate the smell and bugger off to bite someone else.

If they've already bitten you, tea-tree takes the itch away.

To stop the itching there is a little device sold in boots and probably elsewhere, I think it is piezo cell based, you place it over the bite and press a button theres a teeny little electric spark and the itch is numbed, seems to help the healing to. Deet based oils and creams stop the feckers from biting. Both 100% guaranteed at least on my skin.

Avon stuff called Skin So Soft. Apparently the SAS swear by it.

Are they biting Florence as well?

Spot on. Use this stuff when I go fishing and its brilliant. Works brilliantly.

Don't wear aftershave or perfume, that attracts the bleeders. Buy a Lemon and rub that on your skin, that also detracts them. There is a herb (can't remember which, it was a long time ago) the Greeks swear by, just rub it on and the itching and swelling will go down. If its any help it was green.
You can buy ankle and wrist bracelets that when worn repels Mosquito's.

Not trying to be alarmist but Mosquito's kill more Humans per Annum than any other creature.

just has mozzy bites in breadcrumbs with a spicy tomato sauce, Mcdonalds

Midges and nozzles find me absolutely irresistible. Apparently it's down to being a certain blood type, but I think it's because I'm so virile.

The outdoor pitch where I play 5 a side is near a beck where the bastards breed. Even after dousing myself in Deet the little shitbags still swarm round me and no one else on the pitch.

I definitely need to get hold of some of that Avon stuff, I know a lot of people who swear by it.

Yep the little twats feast on me also. I bought a rake of the Avon stuff off Seaham Car Booty for 50p a bottle.

Any product that contains deet although most don't smell very nice, plug ins in the rooms and if you do get bitten anti histamine pills take the itching away

And since when did we start getting proper mozzies in the UK? Some of the bites I've had over the last few years have been horrendous. I had one on my forearm which made it swell right up and go rock hard and red hot. It took about two weeks for it to get back to normal.

I don't begrudge them having a sip of my blood, I think they only take a tiny amount, it's the reaction it causes that fucks me off.

She's ran off with Zebedee

His "Boing, time for bed" line always works like a charm.