Apparently this is a bit of an innaccurate description.

When I was young, I thought they were literally a 'smear' ie a doctor or nurse would place a sheet of blotting paper or similar on a seat, then the bewer would drop her duds and sit on it, wriggling and shuffling about until a sufficiently moist 'smear' was produced. Then it would be sent to the lab for analysis.

Without going into detail, and unless women are lying through their teeth, there is a lot more to it than that. I know some lasses refer to them as a 'scrape', which is much more accurate.

I thought it was what Tony Blair did to Gordon Brown.

What, sent him to the lab for analysis?

Not exactly, though that might have advanced science a bit.

No, he smeared Gordon who passed the test and subsequently became PM as a reward.

Ah! No speculums involved then.

No. You're thinking of smear tests, probably.

Is all this because you're hoping we'll ask you about your vasectomy again?

So which is better? A smear test or a smear campaign? Or even a campaign of smear tests?

No, our lass is having one today. A smear test that is, not a vasectomy.

Eeehh these doctors do fanny about , eh??

Them women have it easy, the thought of having to whack myself off while looking at porn mag to give a sperm sample, oh the bother

Do you offer samples then Mr Butt? You must be after some very choosy types.

You know when the Doctor asks for a Urine, sperm and stool sample and you usually just take off your Bill Grundies and hand em over, well the last time I was commando