I thought you were going to say something about Bruce Grobbelaar advertising Paddy Power bookmakers on the telly

The most appropriately named company I have ever encountered is a far east manufacturer we used to do business with in one of my previous jobs. They supplied very cheap merchandise of a questionable quality, and their name was Fu Kin Tat. You couldn't make it up.

We used to buy off loads of far east companies who were set up to sell to the west. Their staff had all adopted western names, some of which were the literal translation of their oriental names - Fox, Blue etc but most of them were Bob, Sue, Mick, Dee, something monosyllabic like that. Anyway, we used to do a lot of business with Keith, and when one of our buyers went to visit the factory, they were somewhat perturbed to find that Keith was in fact a woman! Not a post-op or owt, a proper female with ovaries and everything!

We had been emailing Keith for years thinking it was a gadgie, and all along he was a she. It's a funny old world.

We have students called Komputer, Loud, Baby, Kalashnikov and Rain. All chosen by themselves.

I recently christened two of mine Ted and Ralph.

I have been there last xmas with mampi (Hong Kong not the sewerage works) sha tin was a name we laughed at on the MTR (their tube system) but a better one was Mong Kok.

Also in Kawloon near the womens market there was a table football supporters association.