http://www.sundaysun.co.uk/news/breakin ... -23871452/

A girl at Tunny has got it.

...and my pigs got Bird Flu.

Apparantly by October nearly everyone could get it.

And those idiots on my bus to work who cough without covering their mouths will probably end up giving me it.

And 'apparently' we were all going to die from bird flu a couple of years ago and before that SARS

well I died from both of those but I'll be buggered if I am going to die from this as well

Well, you know, the stock-piles of Tamiflu are approaching their use-by date, so just take your dose and shut up. Tamiflu targets a different virus from the swine flu one, but that's a small matter.

Just do what I do. Lock yourselves in a hermetically sealed room with triple hepia filters on the vents. Oh and don't forget to wear an oxygen mask. After sterilising it of course. You probably ought to sterilise the oxygen too while you're at it.

Wasn't that David Carradine's big mistake?

We had all this cack with bird flu ....every time some aged swan curled up its flippers and pegged out, swarms of experts in white dispoable boiler suits and face masks would turn up to take it away for a post mortem, to discover it had died of old age ...cack and bollocks the lot of it.

True, but it takes your attention away from all the theiving going on in Westminster.