This morning and my boss said as his closing statement
"Listen Transparancy is everything, even when its cloudy outside, just remember that"

he left the room and after a short spell of silence we all fell about laughing !!!

anyone on here do 'manager speak'? if so

What the fook is he on about

'Mnagers' who talk like that can't usually manage a shite.

In our place they changed Quarterly meetings to "Town Halls" then decided to call them a "Diagonal Slice".

Once in one of these meetings someone was trying to put a point across but got mixed up along the way and came out with the following:

"We are currently worms but we need to get near to the surface as there are trees just aboue with low hanging fruit, once we can reach this fruit then we will grow to get the higher sweeter fruit"

This confused me, how the fook can a worm get up a tree?

He must've been 'thinking outside of the box'

I was once challenged by colleagues to get the term 'cling film' and 'clear wrap' into a management meeting, told my boss that in order to maintain the 'transparency' he wanted, we needed to take a 'cling film' approach whereby everyone could see what we were doing but nobody could tell how tight a grip we had and that by using the cling film approach we would eventually have the issue under clear wrap....we were all chuckling

Its now one of his stock phrases

ha!!ha!! We pluck a random word from the dictionary every day at work, and the person writing the log has to get that word in somewhere, but in some kind of context. The tenuous story telling leading up to the inclusion of the word is by and large corny as a corn thing!!!

At one meeting my mate and I attended at work I bet him that he couldn't use the word "butt-plug" during his presentation.
Just as he started he announced that his laptop battery wasn't charging "but plug it in for me and we should be able to make a start"

Everywhere I go
I see a face we used to know
I pass a place we used to go
When you were mine

Since you went away
My heart's not free
There's no transparency
Will there be a day when the sun will shine?

I canna see through the sunshine after the rain
I canna see through bluebirds flying over the mountains again
Oh, where is the silver lining shining through the rainbow's end?

You all need to get the Bullsh!t bingo cards.... i've got it on email at work.... we had a ball with it in the last meeting!
if you require it i'll email you it...

Working in a call centre this would be top quality talking to the stupid americans we often get on

Post it on here, i could have some fun with that as my manager is thick as fook.

His favourite saying is "press the flesh", never ever asked him what he means by it.

My job is far from perfect, but the best thing about it is that we don't do meetings. I've been there over 2 years, and we've only had a 'proper' meeting once.

I had one job where it wasn't possible to go more than two or three days without having a meeting about some rubbish or other. The worst bit was that it was an American company, and all the ambitious arse-licking managers used to adopt whatever buzzwords the Yanks used to throw about.

My pet hate is the word 'leverage', you can guarantee that all of them had to use it at least once.

I can just about stand its use as a noun, but when they use it as a verb - "we're going to leverage our market presence in sanitary towels to enhance our moonwalk video performance" ... OMG

You've got it Mr Head.

Outright bastads, the lot of them.