Do you do a full wallpapering job pre dump or is it a plop then one up, one down and one to shine.

depends on the consistency of the shit, obviously. get lots of fibre down you and 2 sheets does the job. after a potent curry one might use half a roll, and even moisten some of it with cold water to provide anal relief. but always remember to dry cos a wet arse is an irritating arse.

I can't believe how tight some people are with their bog roll, I've spoke to people in the past who claim that they can dispose of a full morning dump with about 5 sheets. They must have smelly fingers...

I personally go for the scrunch ball method of wiping, it is the way forward, you simply use enough sheets to make it impossible to end up with turd on your hand.....

I can see your point.

However, if the stool is big and firm, surely an excess of toilet paper could lead to a blockage? Especially if the toilet is low velocity flush.

something to consider anyway

Four, folded back for safety purposes and then another four ditto. A bog roll will last about a fortnight in our house, unless there's female company and they go through it like grass through a goose. Wasteful bastards.

half a roll. I buy those mega packs once a week.

PS I always require a nearby supply of water to wash off the smears from my shit. I never have a poo, it's ALWAYS a horrible sticky massive shit. Three times a day. Dry wiping alone will not do. If I'm out and about, I will remove the bulk of it in the conventional fashion first, then flush the bog and soak a couple of pre-prepared handfuls of bog roll to be used as the wet wipes (if the lid comes off the top of the cistern, this is a much more convenient way to get the water onto the bog roll). Then dry off with more bog roll. Otherwise when I start sweating later on, it will necessitate secondary, and sometimes tertiary wiping and I hate that.
If there's no bog roll, then my socks and duds will do. And no I don't put them back on afterwards.










I put them in my pocket

'Toilet roulette'

Live dangerously...

grab the first sheet and pull...when it stops rolling out thats yer lot..but its no fun when the first sheet tears...

that's where the socks and duds come in handy.

the column could be about anything I suppose - just musings and whimsical stories. The only trouble is, once the editor's swear filter has been utilised, the column will shrink from two pages to two sentences. Probably not enough of a column really. It would have to be a monthly thing to collect enough censored material to print it.

Let this be a warning to anybody who eats too many Parmos!

This thread truly demonstrates that in The Bunker we really do talk shite!

i go for the kev method

Three or four for the first wipe.

Inspection and maybe another two or three bits.

Then a wipe with a moistuired toliet wipe - i.e. a Kandoo or an Andrex wet arsewipe.

A further two bits to dry.

Unless it's a parmo style dump and then it's as much as it takes and the cardboard tube if needed.