Yesterday, taking a break from building the framework on my love shack extension, I sat in the garden enjoying the sun, a drink and a small break. The peace was shattered by a pack of teenage rarfs several gardens distant on a trampoline. I surveyed the scene and every other garden seems to have one of these human versions of a gerbils exercise wheel with thousands of children airborne in multiple directions, what would you advise me to buy as I'm considering purchasing a piece of triple A to mount in the garden to shoot the low flying buggers down and restore peace....?
A 20, 30 or 40 mm?..... or even a Phalanx or goalkeeper system, missiles are out of the question.

you could always sneak round in the night and tamper with the trampolines............

I was just about to buy one of these for Jess!

Postman Pat's cat? It's not real yer knarr!!!!

I would recommend taking up clay pigeon shooting to hone your eye and reactions. It's legal too. Get a gun licence from a friendly copper with an open back pocket, install a storage cabinet which can have a glass front and the weakest lock since Scott Hastings. Go up Northumberland and practice on the double spring arrangement for a fortnight.

After that, bouncing kids are a cinch.....

PS.....Love Shack...????

If the wind's in the right direction..... burning a couple of old tyres will get them to stop

Actually you could cut out the tactics and just burn a couple of the kids.

After Joan of Arc there was no great martyr movement was there??

I'm just saying like.....

Er ...yeah, love shack.... it's only my retreat, but when the kids got in the nailed a single to the wall...B52'S...LOVE SHACK......geddit...the I nailed them. Anyway, she commandeered it so I built another with decking attached, right at the bottom of the garden .... which they christened the groovy shack

There's that many kids in the air at any one time around here we have our own air traffic control ...they found three trampoline kids from round here on the wing of a 737 in Alicante, caught in mid air so to speak.

swap you two flyers for seventeen hoddies on a mini moto who can work without lights

The answer is simple, pop a note through Lawrences door telling him the address of the family with the trampoline. He will then pop round for a go and scare them all away

not a pleasant thought

our Fran can be heard screaming and screeching as she bounces on the neighbours trampoline right now.

it aint in my garden, and she aint bugging me for crisps and biscuits and stuff - so i'm happy....

Fran's the wife right??

just read that back....

no, you know fooking well she isn't!!

I bet you in five years time there'll be a trampoline mountain of goosed trampolines, visible from ouiter space.... landfill sites will be bursting with the bloody things ........ possibly.

Sorry, Fran..Han...Ben...Jack.....they tend to blend with Chinese words...it's been a while....

Are you sure there's no mandarin in your family??

in an ideal world parents feed their children

Only if they are extremely hungry, and they have been out and picked some pockets, to earn their keep.