I reckon the people who give out this ‘advice’ work in a nice cosy office somewhere who won’t be bothered by the weather…those who have to do real jobs might beg to differ.

Remind me not to tell you more any secrets Accy it's obvious you won't keep it to yourself.

took me over 25 years to reveal all.

I’m still hanging on to what I should be revealing…I think…

Fucking eejit on a scooter on Catcote Road last night shoots out into the road in the dark with no lights on and why are they always dressed in all black..

like kids are going to school. always in black or another dark colour with crap street lights. whats wrong with being see and be seen and wareing something bright at night.

Probably something to do with them not wanting to get caught.
Wish they'd get caught by a bus though.

Oddly enough with all these cars with their dazzling headlights, driving can be a pain so the wife bought me a pair of those night glasses for driving that kill all the dazzle, problem solved.
Pulled up to pick her up Monday night and while waiting was talking to a bloke I told know passing by ….he said I looked like a dodgy 70’s DJ ..till I realised I still had the glasses on ….he had a point .

think they ate trying to stop these headlights. at the moment its a war with motorists getting brighter and brighter ones to become the brightest headlighs on the road. must admit i have joined them buying an expensive upgrades for our old astra estates.

I wouldn’t care if they had them set properly..dipped…but they seem to have them at maximum elevation for what purpose other than to look a twat.

Probably because said Twat was out robbing.
I refuse to call them scooters - I much prefer the more accurate, Chav Chariot!

Basically what I said in the first place.

even the police do not seem to be interested or its more difficult to prove. catching anybody speeding is easier and brings more money in.

It would help if we resorted to the old public information films, there was one I recall as even a kid about the dangers of not using dipped headlights.

you know it makes sense.

Actually I can still remember that one ….so it must have worked.

I used to love the countryside ones. Hey Petunia " it smashed up a tree " after her husband throw a empty bottles at a tree out in the countryside. " Look at the farmer Petunia his doing one of those county dances "

And the one about workmen dropping tools onto the publics heads. A brick a bar a tool or something along those lines. Inevitably fall down not up.

Mind you she was a lazy fat cow was Petunia and her simple little husband who weighed a quarter of her flabby bulk.
Sex must have problematic from an access angle.

When you think about the Green Ctoss Man was a bit dodgy, dressed in leotard with a cape and hanging around primary schools then approaching kids and holding their hands as he forces them over the road.

Thinks his name was Jo without the " e "

Bless him, the henpecked victim.

jimmy saville was never the same after that film.

He wasn’t much to speak of before it.

Tell you what though Snowy I bet you would have loved to have shagged such a beautiful perfect woman. I still dream about that wonderful accent and the figure of a top model.

"Learn to swim young man, learn to swim"

Hoy….I had a crush on Aqua Marina off Stingray….her good points was she was good looking, nice and couldn’t speak.
On the down side she had a fishy smell, barnacles on her arse and being a wooden actor she suffered from shipworm, she should have taken precautions and creosoted her trapdoor.

Also, their HQ in ‘Marineville’ always reminded me of Billingham town centre…mind you, I was kid at the time….

What year was that then Snowy

Be the early sixties…….but in our lasses opinion about ten minutes ago.
Went shopping with her this morning …..and she decided I should buy some clothes ……cost £180 at Dalton Piark

Shouldn't we have an updated version
"Get off me Mister- I don't even want to cross the road, you fucking weirdo!"

always found school caretakers to be a bit dodgy and blokes without dogs walking through parks on shitty but dry days.

Not possible nowadays…he’d be classed as ‘ordinary’, boringly ‘normal’ prancing about amongst the traffic. .

HE?

Surely you mean 'They!'

Now if you’re referring to pro nouns, mine are ….’Fuck, Right and Off’….but if it’s this gender nonsense, the same three words apply still…….

Hoy….I had a crush on Aqua Marina off Stingray….her good points was she was good looking, nice and couldn’t speak.
On the down side she had a fishy smell, barnacles on her arse and being a wooden actor she suffered from shipworm, she should have taken precautions and creosoted her trapdoor. [/quote]


Aye,she was a looker,Snowy...and not high maintenance like Penelope Pitstop..

She had a soft spot for a quick coat of satin varnish every month and more logging than snogging, but apart from that she was ok.
Penelope Pisspot more like, have seen seen her driving

Satin varnish now that's a idea I can put to my business partner Kev. Nobody but nobody can mix drinks like " Our Kev " like.

Get a classic can, ‘Taste of Varnish’ is a best seller with the sniffing community so you pay more, but it has a lovely bouquet because they’re grown on the south slope of the paint factory in Wigan.

Thanks for that information Snowy I will have to consult with " Our Kev " perhaps he will give you a free bottle for your kind help.

Please…NOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Thanks for that information Snowy I will have to consult with " Our Kev " perhaps he will give you a free bottle for your kind help. [/quote]
Please…NOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo [/quote]

Well me and " Our Kev " have finally made the plunge and taken your sound advice. We just purchased 28 tons of satin varnish which is getting delivered by an artic on Friday morning. We would like to invite you along to take part in the mixing process at our foundry. You will have the unique opertunity of live mixing with the Worlds No1 mixer " Our Kev" and also be given freedom of the brewery. You are then able to sample as many different drinks as you wish. We are arranging your personal transport for the event via our uber driver Mutley who will pick you up at 11am sharp on his customised tricycle. We cannot be held responsible for any mishaps that may occur during your unique travel by tricycle. It may be advisable to bring a umbrella for your open top journey.

Dear Sir,
Mr Snowy greatly appreciates your generous offer to sample your delightful beverage and its er, …..talented creators.
Sadly ….Mr Snowy will be directing at his studio’s in downtown LA of his new film ‘Wide Open and Willing’ a tribute to a new road widening scheme and the willing workforce. He will be staying to do his follow up big screen film ‘ Hot, Hard n Horny’ about a group pursuing a tough old buffalo with one horn, in the midday sun looking for a drink of water….Then the final film of the Trilogy will complete the group when ‘8 Way Sex Play’ comes out….some sex romp and wondered if your good self and Kev would like to participate in the orgy scene…as Eunuchs…?

Fook the brewery count us both firmly in.

There’ll be the, er ….cough…’operation’ for your role. ..the clues in the word ‘Eunuch.’

Driving along Coronation Drive this morning about 6.30 and overtook what appeared to be a Ninja pedalling furiously on his bike with his big square pack on his back with a logo of a well known fast food retailer.
Who the feck is getting fast food delivered at 6.30 in the morning