For sale, limited edition bottle of Tippex,
it’s a corrector’s item.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams fillum is Mrs Fire.

Only in Japan.

Did you hear about the cheese-monger who painted his wife?

Double Gloucester.

Feeling very pleased with myself if not a bit guilty...just back from town..I found a box of fish fingers in the street. ...

Oh well, findus keepers.

I bought one of those language tapes that you play and listen to while you're asleep. Unbeknown to me while I was asleep, the tape kept skipping.
Now I can Stutter fluently in Spanish.

I heard one tennis player refuses to own a Hoover.

They call him No-vac Djokovic

I've been accused of plagiarism.

Their words, not mine.

Managed to get a table booked for Valentines night...our lass won’t be happy though....
she hates Snooker!

If you`re sad about being alone on Valentines day, just remember....
Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either!

My obese parrot died yesterday
That's a weight off my shoulder!

Amnesia has affected my memory of certain ’80s bands,

there’s no Cure.

I asked my nephew for the phone book, and he handed me his iphone, saying, “Uncle, you’re so old!”

Anyway, to cut a long story short, spider dead, phone smashed, nephew livid.

Scientists claim that beer contains female hormones.

They could be right.

After 8 pints I can't drive and start to talk shite!

The circus are getting rid of some of their narcoleptic jugglers...

They're having a dozing clown sale.

Apparently, the surgeon who perfected the sex change operation has been nominated for the no ball prize.

"Black really is slimming on you, you've never looked sexier!" I assured the missus...

"Turn the light back on you prick “she replied

What do you mean "After 8 pints"

Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a rucksack and went up to the Lake District, walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee. Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I...
Sorry, I'm rambling...!!

Was Mao Tse-Tung buried somewhere special? Or was it just a communist plot.

I'm not saying I'm unfit or anything,
But my personal best for the 100 metres is 65 metres.

Did you know that a candles flame smells like burnt nostril hair ?

Just joined a low self esteem group at the community centre

Entrance via the back door

My wife and I used to have a waterbed.
We had to get rid of it, as her side kept freezing!

Warning to the bastard that stole my glasses.
I have contacts

My missus sent me a text, "Where are you?"

"I'm at my anger management meeting."

"How's it going?"

"Not good, I'll fill you in later."

In 1802 the Welsh invented the condom using a sheeps lower intestine.
In 1822 the English refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Dejav
Dejav who?
Knock knock...

Did you know that the Magnificent 7 once did an aftershave commercial at Liverpool football ground ?
Well actually only 6 did because Yul never wore cologne

According to the news, Elton John has put on so much weight recently, he is having to have his trousers specially made for him.

Time to say 'Goodbye normal jeans'

I went to a bulimic disco last night.

The place was heaving.

If anything good comes out of global warming it will be that in a few years Dancing on Ice won't be on the fucking telly!

This is a bit far like. Again.

How many times does this shit have to be deleted before it stops completely?

Yloop is a prime example of Generation Snowflake, the none-too-flattering nickname for today’s young people, thanks to their emotional – and often dramatic – reactions to global news and social issues.

Absolutely not. You're just not funny and have no idea how these things affect people.

Just scroll past it then, nobody forces you to read the fucker!

I get people stopping me in Tesco telling me i`m a hoot.

Yeah, that's the solution, how about stop posting absolute shite for your own gratification?

Of course you do

[x] Best spurious remark since hat man.

[x] Finally posts something I have laughed at.

[x] Stories that happen in your mind when you are asleep are not ‘Tesco’.

It is a bit like touching wet paint when the sign clearly states what is is, if you don`t like my humour then don`t open the thread, PJ can`t help it as he is obsessed with me but Yloop, you should know better

Oh do fuck off, you’re in the wrong and not for the first time. Blame me all you want but it’s still you posting this shite.

And once again, don`t fucking read it.

Delusions of grandeur? Obsessed with you

No just a genuine and quite valid point about your awful patter on this forum. I am not offended by you, certainly aren’t obsessed by you but the biggest issue is it’s not YOUR humour, these threads don’t include an original thought from you, they are lifted from elsewhere. It’s utter shite, The Bunker used to be funny, genuinely funny at times without being forced. You are to comedy what Fred West was to the sub letting business.

Just get off the thread and don`t read it man, if it bothers you or any other sycophants so much, stay the fuck off, don`t reply, each to their own etc, now piss off i`m having my tea

And still you don’t get it, what a fucking arsehole you are.

Why should I get off anywhere it’s a public forum, you keep contributing utter shite I’ll keep telling you.

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again you are the worst poster in the history of The Bunker.

Only yesterday you were getting excited about ‘United’ winning which I read Terry Christian’s voice which smelt of true colours, how can you be taken seriously when you change the football team you support at any point of your life?? Also disregarding you now support another ‘utd’.

Means a lot, cheers

Joking about a serial rapist and murderer like Fred West isn't funny PJ.

Whey Hey, ands here’s Billy Desperate King of all the Gammons.

Having you as a back up is not gonna help, bit like saying I`m mates with Jimmy Saville