A lorry load of Tortoises has collided with van load of terrapins, it`s a turtle disaster!

Where they all geordies like?

A driver had his lorry break down when carrying a load of penguins. He phoned HQ and gave them the details. The boss said "You can't leave the penguins inside. There's a zoo nearby, take them there".
The boss himself arrived in the rescue vehicle some hours later. The lorry driver was just walking back up the road with the penguins in tow. The boss says "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo". The driver says "I did. It was half price day so I had enough to take them to the pictures after that."

A Geordie phones the AA 'cos his cars broken down.
The AA man says "are you over heating?"
The Geordie replies "no, I'm on Byker Bridge". Boom, boom
(you have to have some local, as in Newcastle, knowledge to get this)

3 Corkers there!!!!

I heard one very similar in that Geordie rings the AA "me cars brokken doon in the Toon", the AA man replies "whereabouts are you sir?, can you give me a postcode or street name?", Geordie replies " A divent nah, howld on... Shields Road", AA man.. "Okay sir so that's central Heaton", Geordie.."Nah it's not the boiler man.... it's me car".

I was caught up in the real accident this morning. 2 hours to get to work!

did you hear about the leak in the tyne tunnel?it fell off the back of a fruit and veg van