This morning I was queueing up at the counter in Lidls, loading a trolleyfull onto the belt. Being the good citizen that I am, I looked to see if the person behind me had one or two items and would benefit from going ahead of me.

There was a lass stood there, and all she had in her basket was two very big honeydew melons.

Has anybody else experienced such a perfect Carry On moment like that?

She should have gone to Specsavers!

Was that her PIN?

When is an estate agents one day with a mate I sat in front of the desk where a very attractive 20 'ish year old blonde asked if she could add me to the mailing list.

On the desk in front of her was a card index box with "Hot Box" written on a bit of paper and stuck on the side.

I said "Yes, if I could get in her hot box"!!!