...worst happens on Saturday, you do realise there will be a need for a Witch-Finder General, in the best traditions of justice, to organise a witch hunt to track down the creators of our misfortune ( scapegoats) and denounce them accordingly...then burm em.
If however, we are succesful we can have one anyway to while away the summer.

What are we going to do about the Health and Safety aspects of burning a witch??

There'll have to be a full risk assessment, inspections of the pyre, crowd safety barriers, sun block, police presence, safety stewards, St Johns attendance, anti-terrorism contingency plans, toilet facilities, a creche in case any of the incendiarists have pre-school children, a full County Council witch burning licence application (in triplicate), full disabled access in line with DDA legislation, a consumption of alcohol in public ban, full body cavity searches, and ticket stubs from the Salem Witch Trials of 1692.

And that's just for starters.

I'll start oiling the 'Iron Maiden' and slapping a bit of linseed oil on the old ducking stool ....will the rack be needed as I think the chains will need adjusting...? Oops, and I'll chop some wood.

Oh I see.......DIY.
Witches safe for a while yet then......

That's why it's called DIY ..... because a woman won't give you hand, just ask ..."I hope you're gonna clear all this mess away when you're done" The times I've been sat in bed stripping an engine down and all she does is moan about wanting to get to sleep ...

can't we perform an exorcism at the Vic at 2.50pm Sat? Any medicine men/witch doctors out there?

I know just the person ............................thinks ................... nah, she's promised to do my tea.

Thank god i'm 275 miles away