Mr Poolielad seems to have cut to the chase in his typically incisive and cerebral way. My question is this; what, apart from the destruction of the very fabric of Great Britain, is Mad John responsible for?

Personally I heard that the decline of Balmers pies was down to him.

he is definitely to blame for pools fans having no decent online resourse to check out who played left back against Rochdale away in 1972.

Useless 'lovely lovely person'.

Four fried faggotts, chips, peas and gravy please.

He is responsible for those yeller lines near the rec.

The superstorm the south have just witnessed was MJs doing. He was proving the butterfly effect exists by flapping his arms around like a fucked up seagull.

Mad John spied on Angela Merkel's personal phone calls. You've all seen the effect it's had on him.

Mad John invented the Daily Mail

He burned down Sunhill and brought an end to The Bill!!!!

Just watch his face on November 5th and you'll understand everything.

Madjohn had abducted Lord Lucan and Stevie Howard. Also, he has decimated wagon wheels.

Mad John used Jedi Mind tricks to get the ref to send Chris Westwood off at the Millennium Stadium.

madjohn changed king size snickers into duo's.

You totally get less now n it's all his fault.

MadJohn sanctioned the signings of Steve Howard, Nathan Luscombe, Jan Budtz, Alan Power, Ármann Björnsson and Rune Lange.

He was responsible for the Dead Man of Dead Mans Hollow fame.

mad john is the real heisenberg.

My mate once met a bloke who nearly shagged her.

That's about half the UK population
...except me

Mad John killed Lou Reed

You wouldn't believe the number of stars I've nearly shagged.

You probably would believe the number I actually have shagged mind.

mad john kidnapped Mr escape goat and wont let him out to play anymore.

When Nico from the Velevet Underground had a heart attack on her bike in Ibiza Mad John was chasing her up the hill on his scooter and shouting about her cheek bones. MURDERER!

They never did find Hitlers' body.....

Hitlers dead?

I'm sure it is he who puts all the horrible tasting little seeds in curries on behalf of the Indian government.

He was once seen on a grassy knoll just before Kennedy was shot

He single-handedly deposited dog shite and broken glass in the goalmouths on the rec throughout the 80s and 90s.

And it was him that ate the socks, not Micky Fisher.

Mad John nicked 'The Scream' from the National Gallery in Oslo and replaced it with 'The Beach' by Adam Craggs aged 7!!!!

Mad John invented Verrills opening hours. FACT.

I swear I saw Mad John and Steve Howard having a couple of pints together early July 2012.

Mad John was the one to tell Uncle Ken to be secretive, much to Kens dismay.

Mad John stole my last rolo.

Mad John actually ate the hamster

Mad John forced Bretts to close their store on the indoor market because their sherbet lemons "weren't tangy enough".

Mad John single handedly closed every shop, theatre, pub, and coffee bar in Lynn Street and Musgrave Street.

Mad John made football grounds sell Pukka Pies.

Verrills HAS opening hours?

MadJohn shot Bambi's mam.

The bastad.

Mad John is Hodcroft's mam.

Mad John gave Danny Wilson that Tombola machine.

Mad John is a football agent and has Steve 'the immobile lump' Howard and Nolberto 'trumpets not footy' Solano on his books.

Remember that volcano Eyjafjallajökull that erupted in 2010...

Yep MJ's fault!!

Mad John is responsible for Grave being such a negative bounder.

the limescale in the Woodcutter's cooling coils ending up in the Kronenbourg and having to get emergency repairs done (which never worked either)

If it wasn't for Mad John, loads of pubs in the town would still be open. The fact that the Cutter is still going proves this beyond all doubt.

Mad John is Kirsty's Dad

MadJohn had a pint with tripledecker to tell him about the Bunker and how good an addition he'd be to the pun heavy loosely football based message board.

This is giving me a bad haddock...

Are you certain about that?