I've got a mate down here who is always plaguing me to hitch up a trouser leg and join in with the funny handshake. Anyone else on here involved? I know of two. Theres plenty of negativity about freemasonry but whats the good bits?

You would need to change your name to brother I.

the negativity about the freemasons regarding holding sercets etc comes from the people at the top and higher lodges, every mason i have met just in your general lodge are good eggs and its like a working mans club type feel.

I have read a lot about the masons and as I say it has a pyramid effect where your position or lodge your in dictates how much information you are privy to. Dont think I would ever join like but then again I would probably never be asked, as I dont believe in a higher being be it Jesus, God, Muhammed, Buddah or even satan.

A lot of people join thinking they're going to get something out of it, and some do, but there is a lot of charitable work achieved by the folks on the square.
If you concentrate on what you can give, rather than what you can take, the rewards will be far greater.
Like every organisation it has it's share of plonkers but each has to decide on an individual basis whether it suits to be a member.

Now where's me set square?????

Some will get you a speedboat out of the country, and a new Identity if needed..

As I said, you first question should be, am I religious? it doesnt matter what faith you are as long as you believe in a form of an "all mighty". If not thats your mind made up you cant be a mason.

Well you could consider Tubby as that higher being

As Groucho Marx said "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."