Local press has it thus -

"Perfidious cheats fluke 3-0 theft"

The brave Saddlers put up a stirling battling action as Darlingtonpool United fouled their way into an early lead. A bevvy of what can only be described as 'northern types' butchered the pucky Walsall right-back, stole the ball and bulldozed their way through the injured goalkeeper and dumped the ball unceremonously into the net. A 2nd goal followed a minute later as the local referee, who was guilty of some increasingly bizarre decisions over the course of the game, awarded a very controversial penalty - dispatched by some miserable jug-eared thug.

The home crowd grew vitriolic at the thought of the prized scalp of the reknowned Saddlers and the local constabulary were forced to 'put some stick about' and resume control of the home end. Maybe they should have turned their attention toward the pitch, because some of the career threatening tackles attempted by the home side were simply criminal. At half time it was a minor miracle that only 7 Walsall players had been seriously injured.

The third official offered the Walsall manager - the reverand Mr Upstanding esq. - a FIFA enquiry and abandonment of the match with automatic 3 point award to the visitors. In a characteristic demonstration of magnaminity Mr Upstanding simply quoted choice lines from the poem "IF" which brought a tear to the eye of all within earshot.

The match resumed with only 8 Walsall players on the field, but the right winger had to be stretchered off within 2 minutes after being showered with metal debris from the home end. A liberal spray of teargas from the riot police soon pacified the mindless seething mob.

Another fantastical penalty was awarded and was promptly buried by some pasty-faced workhouse urchin.

Walsall went on to hit the bar and post no less than 14 times as their natural footballing superiority began to tell and they left their unrefined and uneducated opponents grovelling in the mud, many weeping bitterly about their despicable lives.

Unluckily, the brave, brave Saddlers were unable to breach the home defence as the wall of cumbersome northerners blocked their progress and the increasing number of scything tackles reduced the heroes' manpower to 2. The home crowd sang in sustained hearty adulation of the magnificent Walsall performance and scores threw off their grotty striped shirts and professed undying loyalty for the Saddlers, several hundred investing wisely in large tattoos with 'Walsall' and 'Saddlers' the most popular choices.

Needless to say, the Saddlers will be preparing for the return match, when they hope to inflict a stinging humiliation and get their richly deserved goal reward.

hmmmm.....

Did they forget we had an extra 20 players as well

and a smaller goal

I'm led to believe they have smaller cocks too

How to lose UNBELIEVABLY badly...

How to lose UNBELIEVABLY badly...

Please tell me you didn't take this seriously?

I wrote it as so over the top it couldn't possibly.......

Saigon Ali anyone...?