three pork chops which are out of date by a week, and a bit on the green side.
Should I wait to see what they look/smell like before I try to eat them?
Or should I dive straight in and run the risk of hospital grub for a week?

the other option of course is bin them, but that would be boring

have a sniff of them before u cook em see if they smell a bit tangy, if not cook em and see if they still smell ok. how green is a bit gree by the way?

id go for the bin option. otherwise you'll miss the game on sat. having said that its on the box so you could watch it in hospital. but then it will cost 20 quid ontheir tv card thing!!

Are they this green ??

just a pale shade in parts, mostly pink.
A bit like a loose woman's fanny

do they smell of fish?

hard to tell now, I incinerated them, which is how I like meat anyway.
I put them in buns with mashed potato, cushty.

i like meat cooked the same way,just like to make sure it's dead,i could never eat a medium rare steak the more well done the better

had the need to leg it to the bog yet?

I'm always like that, so it would not be a sign

do you cook like you spjell?!

Cook 1 of them and tell your Mrs that you have made her a lovely meal if she eats it and manages to hold then down for the next hour your safe to do the other 2 for yourself.

You could invite your mate Mutley round for tea ,he doesn't look the fussy type..

Thats the thing tho if you cook it until its charcoal all the nasty bugs will the brown bread anyway..

Stop been a poof and give them a lashing with a bit of HP and get them down your neck and worry about the hurtey belly later

I scranned them hours ago!!
I'm still alive (I think)

A sort sharp bjurst of microwaves does wonders against bjugs.
You still wouldn't catch me eating staphylococcified chops, mind (even if I ate pork in the first place).

ok mr parmo what's on the menu today?

eating out I think. Don't know what just yet!!!