I'm forming my own Religion/Cult call it what you want.

I as leader of this cult have had a vision of the future.
There IS no Heaven.
There IS no Hell.
There IS a God, me.
The holy Trinity is Me the Father, I suppose Jack's gonna have to be the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit is easy. Gin!

Brother POK, my faithful number 1 disciple, is a believer already so thats one mug roped in - leave your money in the box at the back of my newly constructed,windowless [all the easier for brain washing purposes you see?! Oh yes! I have thought of everything...] Church, good lad.

OK? Anyone else wants in you will have to answer a series of questions to prove your loyalty to me, I mean Brittania High, spread the Gospel according to me, I mean Brittania High , you will have to be an avid follower of me,fuck! I mean Brittania High....and you must then be baptised in Holy Spirit.

You can be rich or poor to be a member of my cult, although I will look more favourably upon the affluent...your misdemeanours will be overlooked above a pleb who doesn't give me,[blast!] I mean the Church as much money!

hmmm, I'm pretty sure that I haven't covered everything but so fook, I'll just make up rules as I go along!
Prophecies?? They can be changed....you mugs WILL believe anything! you hear me?! Of course you will, because the hope for the future provided by the Church of Brittania High whilst being entirely untangible will give you sad misguided sheep a glimmer of a better life that we all know isn't going to happen but its an ever dangling carrot and you will DIE without it [or if you leave the confines of the cult] or without your entire trust and faith in ME!



So who's in?!

I think I'll give it a miss.

heathen



you are dead to me now

Never really been a 'joiner'.

I became a Poolie at the age of 9, and look where that's got me.

damn,maybe I need to be more subtle with my message to rope more mugs in...

anyways, we dont want people like you in our church.
people who think for themselves are strictly off limits.
mugs who dont ask questions, thats what I need!!
rich mugs.....

I thought you had a Smart Car?

You know its lucky I'm not a churchgoer, otherwise people would find that offensive.

No, no, the "that" in the sentence, I was talking about, the demonstrative adjective in the sentence, was refering to the comments made above in the original post.

The that referred to the comments above, not about me being a churchgoer.

But I'm not a churchgoer.

Cos he has cloven hooves and stinks of crusty spaff.

I'm kinked, .

So what the fook are you on about, it's like saying ..... I'd drown if it wasn't for the fact I can swim ... a pointless conjecture.

Is that what POK stands for, Pointless of Kent?

Nearly.

It's Paedo of Kent.

Where do you find that then?

we are in accordance Brother, welcome to the Church of Britannia High!!
leave your brain at the door and dig deep!

Noggie get!

I've still got all these things even though I'm in Britain now. Problem is my fingers have never learnt QWERTY.

éàèùçâêîôûë

well....I suppose so.......
firstly your brain. The fact you haven't got one means you are perfect for the indoctrination, also perfect are old women btw, you might want to target those as you spread the word oh! and recently bereaved and thick people.
secondly money. It is preferable that you leave what you can in the box no matter how skint you are, remember the parable of the widoes mite?! Now I'm not telling you what to do, but salvation very much depends on your generosity in this matter. I'll leave it with you brother as something to think about!

Beers poured, drink up!

Is it one of those sects where you have to take a vow of silence, then?
I'm not sure that would suit me....tho come to think of it there are one or two of my brethren here who could do with it

no no no no!
if we were silent how could we spread the BH word?
or sing our class songs?!


you in then?

Yes, as long as it doesn't involve redemption. Not yet, anyway

hell,no!




so, we have Me the head man
POK a true disciple of BH
Mr Half
Yossarian is a true giver scrimping and scraping to give me, I mean the church, his money
and Florence


the movement is growing people!!!

oh! and remember my beloved brethren that we have nothing to do with that heathen Billog Poolie.

It might seem harsh but its for the best, and one day we can only hope that he will see the error of his ways and join with us.

5 of you?

Fancy a match against The Bunker lads at 5-a-side?

I seek special dispensation for Mr Billog. he's one of the few who play the song title game with me.
Can't he be a lay monk....even if he doesn't want to?

It's up to him sister, the door is always open

oh, I wouldn't dare dearest!
we are all equal in my church, well apart from me like



anyways important news to follow

Brothers and Sister!

I have an important anouncement.
REDEMPTION IS NIGH!!!
Yes, the end is upon us.
I can now predict that Sunday 14th December 2008 will be the day that we will be saved.

The time is upon us to act and act now!
But do not be fearful nor afraid, but rejoice for the time is short and a brave new world is just around the corner.

In addition to telling your friends and family of this joyous news and urging them to join with us, you can make donations directly to me by cheque [jewellry and other valuables may be donated as well], stocks/bonds/real estate/wills [yes even if you die you can still give me. I mean the church, your money]/trusts etc.

Do not delay for the time upon us is short!!


Stock up on cans like, cos after the end has happened we could run short.
cool

At least it's after my birthday.

Mr. Ripper.

I f you would like to survive to see your next birthday I urge you to join with us before the end comes!

I don't want to be saved. I said I'd come only if it didn't involve redemption

But you've just said that my next birthday is before the end comes.

oh the one after that then, really it matters not. do you want eternal happiness or dont you?!



and florence, you're one of us now whether you like it or not!

It's always the same. When God gets involved, mayhem and discontent surely follow

Is that the day after we lose away to Hereford? If it is, it truly will be the end of the world!!

at momentous times like this, football is irrelevant!
Pools wont matter after 14th Dec.


truly tumultuous times lay ahead, join with us and have eternal happiness

How Mr Saltingtons, how come I'm not in yer Church then??

Eh??

Miserable get.....

Maybe 'cos I never say that daft thing what sounds like a witches spell what youse say in North Yorkshire - itchy bo or summat.....

Kevin, brother, of course you're welcome in my church.
It's a wise move my friend as we are one day closer to the great day, the day of redemption!

AGI-BO!

I'm stockpiling as we speak Brother.
oh, you might need your passport, we're going to Americee!

never thought of that, fuck my undergound bunker thought, we'll stay here...

we'll just nick loads of dead good cars after the 14th, no-one else is going to need them after that, and we'll have class houses and that.

keep the faith as the end draws near

I'm all for getting a new house. I'll have one of those lovely old multi-storey ones on the Headland, or else one of that row overlooking Ward Jackson Park.

I've always wanted to own a big house so that I can open a Sanctuary (not of course in competition with yours, Salty, but a sister establishment )

I really think you should be just concentrating on the HCoBH right now florence, any independant thinking will just distract you from the more important matters of the eternal happiness that i can offer you.

Just keep donating and keep your eyes on the prize!

Eternal happiness?

Ah, so you've turned down Kev's application then?

not at all, after a few sessions in my windowless church he'll be so indoctrinated he won't be able to keep the happy grin off his face!

Yes, but you are excluded for refusing to share your beer.

great to have a bus driver on board!!! he may come in very useful one day......







group sex?
oh dear, I think I'm going to have to come up with a set of rules to keep my followers in line....