Taken from BBC News site:

Lets see how many puns we can come up with...


Bike sex man placed on probation

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.



I think the bloke may be a pedal-file

Thats what happened when you mount an bike.

Wheres the problem if he was in his bedroom ?

He had a dirty helmet

Well the first bicycle was aptly called ..........."BONE-SHAKER"

He didn't have his lights on......

Was the bicycle available for comment?

Can't see the problem meself.....

Unless it had a crossbar

Gay sex with a bike is just wrong!

Sounds like a sorry chain of events to me.

Perhaps he was just trying to repair a (s)puncture.

His spokes-man was unavailable for comment. Apparently he was using the handlebars as pigtails.

yes apparently he was too tyred to respond

Probably due to his large frame.

Are you and me the only ones with a sense of humour bypass here Groovy?

what he gets up to in the privacy of his bedroom, is between him and his particular perversion.

After all it was a consenting Adult Bicycle, wasn't it?

he's been done for pedalling porn

I notice the cleaners had to brake in with a master key.

Sounds like he will be saddled with that blemish on his character forever.

Did he think it was a mounting bike? Or was he just changing gear?

His claim that it was all a misunderstanding reminded me of a famous Hartlepool lady of easy virtue who years ago used to be referred to as 'The Chester Bicycle'

Stories like these tend to come in cycles

No, no......I actually SAW the Chester Bicycle once. Not just a story in a cycle

Bet he was only honking his horn

The police said he was going like a train but eventually they had to intervene. 'Excuse me mate, I hate to deraileur.......'

I reckon he spoke out of turn when the two cleaners burst in.