A thread of fun while we wait for the new owner to be unveiled

"The first bus in Britain to be powered by human excrement ran from Bristol to Bath on the Number 2 route."

Bobby Farrell the singer with boney m, who had a hit with the song Rasputin, died in the same city on the same date as Rasputin.

Several unlikely magazines, I kid you not…..

Fertiliser Focus.
Coin Slot International
Noise and Vibration Worldwide.
Batteries International.

I'd delete your search history if I were you

My mate Robert - who for years only had two stories he'd tell everyone in the pub when he was pissed - was known behind his back as "Bobby Two-Stories".

Opinions differ as to which, if any of them, are actually true.

Lately he has conjured-up two more stories, but his original nickname persists.

…….

It was never on time I heard, hence the phrase, it was a Shit service, was born. Ok I made that up

and they are going to make it greener, or browner if you look at it that way, by using vegan shit only.

The human eye can distinguish more shades of green than any other colour.

In Engish law, the phrase "since time immemorial" is defined as being being prior to the year 1189.

the 1936 public health act says that taxi drivers are required to ask ther passengers if they have the plague or smallpox.

Back when I was gainfully employed in the leisure "industry", I was a subscriber to "The Coin Slot" as it was known colloquially - and successfully completed their distance-learning course for would-be Amusement Technicians - all paid for by my (then) employers Deith Leisure, at the time the tenants of the former bonded warehouse in Mainsforth Terrace.

Later on from my time at Deith - when I was poached from Fairworld by Capanac Leisure after they transformed the Longscar Hall from a run-down dump into one with flashing lights and prize bingo - a photograph of me and my partners in grime appeared on the front page of The Coin Slot - under a headline along the lines of CAPANAC BRING A TASTE OF LAS VEGAS TO SEATON CAREW.

If only...!

And other than once rendering Norman Lamont speechless as a member of the Question Time audience, that is my sole claim to fame.*

KB.



* Unless you count the winter's night in 1982, when the Mayor of Chepstow spent an evening looking up my skirt...

If you've outed yourself as a Jock you can piss off back North of the Border...
but if you're just another Hartlepool cross dresser, fair enough

A few years back four of us were driving into Southport (God knows why) with me behind the wheel, my oppo in the front said …“Stop the car and reverse’ so I did eventually and he was pointing at a sign giving directions the the ‘Lawn Mower Museum’… …a gormless voice in the back said ..,’ are we going in for a look?’…blondes eh

Er, Chepstow's in Wales - but I'm neither a sweaty-sock or a daffodil-chomping sheep-shagger..!!!

I'll have you know that I'm 'Artlepool born and bred, though I am currently exiled in Yackerland.

And although I've only cross-dressed once in my life, I accept that's akin to denying that you're a cocksucker 'cos you've only ever chugged on one...

I've seen that very sign myself, on my way to the same destination.

My trip was for an interview with the company I was contracting with at the time, as they were closing the Middlesbrough depot and moving production to Southport.

I was offered the job the day after - but sadly the permie wages were a bit of a pisstake, and there was no relocation cash on offer at all because I was a contractor, so I politely declined their offer.

Which meant I ended-up being unemployed for five months at the height of the 2009 "credit crunch"..!

You should never Wrestle with a Pig. You Both Get Dirty and the Pig Likes It.

Er…are you speaking from ‘hands on ‘ experience…?

Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have the less shit you eat.

I was more thinking of the current situation at Pools.............

That makes more sense

Marmite was one of the most confiscated items at airports from the U.K. – to overcome this issue, Marmite made smaller ones for traveling.

In 1861, "Mr West Hartlepool" himself - Ralph Ward Jackson - was fined after being done for chinning the vicar of Greatham during an argument.

Altogether now:
Rarfy is a boot boy,
Rarfy is a boot boy.
La lah la la,
la lah la la...

On 16 December 1914 three German Battle Cruisers fired 1150 shells into Hartlepool in 40 minutes. Thats one every two seconds.

He also got ‘his lads’ to brick the door of Christ Church (which he built) while the church service was being held in a dispute with the Vicar…I’m warming to the bloke.

The Seydlitz and Moltke were sister ships with 11 inch guns and each vessel had 5 twin turrets….the poor Blucher only had 12x 8inch guns and was sunk a few months later at the Dogger Bank.
The Blucher was actually a mistake when built…the British Admiralty had leaked a false design which the Germans tried to emulate and it was called ‘The bastard offspring of German ambition and British Deceipt’.

wonder why german car manufacturers never tried doing the same with the marina or the allegro. even the eastern block made copies of fiats.

In 1940 two US twin boys aged 3 weeks were adopted by two different families, they never met again till they were 39 yrs old, both of their parents had called them James (Jim), they'd both had dogs called Toy, they'd both married twice, their first wives were called Linda and their second wives were both called Betty. Both had a son called James Alan and James Allan respectively...spooky.

A chicken once lived for 18 months without a head. Mike the chicken's incredible feat was recorded back in the 1940s in the USA. He survived as his jugular vein and most of his brainstem were left mostly intact, ensuring just enough brain function remained for survival. In the majority of cases, a headless chicken dies in a matter of minutes.

As a pools supporter i feel the same

This is very true. When i worked in an "office" job it was mandatory. Madness.After i left / semi retired i refused to wear one.

Wearing a tie can reduce blood flow to the brain by 7.5 per cent. A study in 2018 found that wearing a necktie can reduce the blood flow to your brain by up to 7.5 per cent, which can make you feel dizzy, nauseous, and cause headaches. They can also increase the pressure in your eyes if on too tight and are great at carrying germs.

in that case our owner must wear one in bed.

You can actually die laughing. And a number of people have, typically due to intense laughter causing a heart attack or suffocation.

Theres going to be an "ANNOUNCEMENT" tomorrow!

This is where Pools are going wrong.

"Football teams wearing red kits play better. The colour of your clothes can affect how you’re perceived by others and change how you feel. A review of football matches in the last 55 years, for example, showed that teams wearing a red kit consistently played better in home matches than teams in any other colour."

I’d rather fail in blue and white than succeed in red…and I’ve been proved right most of my life at Pools

Agreed, better dead than red - little wonder that we didn't win the L1 Playoff Final!

Try telling that to a Borer supporter...

During WW1 in an attempt to conserve food, the public were no longer allowed to feed ducks.

During WWII laces for shoes and boots were rationed aswell as Bowler Hats.

During WW2 Merchant ships crews pay stopped once they left their sinking vessels and got into the lifeboats,
The owners considered their contract terminated when they left the ship.

The name for the shape of Pringles is called a “Hyperbolic Paraboloid.”

Farts exit the anus and enter the world at a speed of 10 feet per second, or slightly less than seven miles per hour.

all poolies must be absolutely knackered if its true you need more facial muscles to frown than to smile.

What our brains decode as the colour brown is actually orange.

Furthermore, it cannot be produced by LED smart lamps and other lighting products that simulate different colours by mixing together proportions of red, green and blue light.

And if the screens of your phones/TVs/laptops/computer monitors weren't made to look as black as possible when turned off then they couldn't either.

And why when you see a rainbow in the sky, it does not contain brown.

Because there is no such thing as brown...