Chiqui Arce - The surname Arce is funny. But to give yourself the moniker 'Chiqui' is inspired. Real name Francisco Javier Arce, Chiqui earned a decent reputation as a right-back for Paraguay during the finals of the 1998 and 2002 World Cups, although he's still known more for the quality of his name rather than his darting runs and dead-ball ability.
Ars Bandeet - Ok, so this article is quickly starting to look like a wind-up, but legend has it that in the 70's the Algerian national team included a player called Ars Bandeet. That's good enough for us.
Segar Bastard - Or Mr Bastard to you. This legendary figure from the turn of the 20th Century appeared for England, refereed the 1878 FA Cup Final, played cricket for Essex, owned a racehorse, and still found time to earn a few shillings as a solicitor.
Dominic Blizzard - The central midfielder hardly went down a storm at Watford, and was last seen heading off to Stockport in an old VW Scirocco.
Prince Boateng - Good. But not as good as Prince Polley.
Danny Boffin - We love this name. It's mint. And the Belgian winger wasn't a bad player either.
Bongo Christ - The Congolese striker would surely make a top ten of top names.
Norman Conquest - Hats of to Mr and Mrs Conquest of Australia for this one. Definitely the best named Australian goalkeeper ever.
Harry Daft - Played for England 5 times, and captained them once, earning himself the tag 'Captain Daft'. Probably.
Argelico Fucks - Brazilian who carved out a half-decent career for himself as a central defender, but who is always going to be best remembered as the source of one of football's greatest football headlines: "Fucks off to Benfica", Eurosport's famous description of his transfer from Palmeiras to Benfica. To see the headline, click here.
Milan Fukal - The Czech defender nearly graced the English game, but moves to both Man City and Leeds fell through.
Alex Higgins - No, not that one, but an England youth international who Sheffield Wednesday had high hopes for but who never really made the grade, his impact being more like a gentle breeze than a hurricane.
Danny Invincible - How many times has the name Invincible popped up on the SkySports vidiprinter and we've thought to ourselves "Hah! He's called Invincible, and he's scored!". About twice.
Daniel Killer - Another classic name from the Panini album. Killer was part of the Argentinian squad that won the 1978 World Cup.
Mario Killer - The less-talented brother of Daniel. But with an equally fine name.
Stefan Kuntz - Not even Motson could get around this one with a special pronunciation.
Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway - Or more commonly known as Charlie Oatway. The parents of the former Brighton captain thought it would be amusing to name their son after the 1973 QPR team. They were right. So why Charlie ? Apparently when told of the name, his Aunt said "He'd look a right Charlie", and the name stuck.
Johnny Moustache - He may sound like a team-mate of Billy the Fish, but young Moustache is actually one of the stars of Seychelles footy.
Emmanuel Panther - The Scottish midfielder (full name Emmanuel Ugochukwu Ezenwa "Manny" Panther) was made captain of York City and made famous in the Conference league with the Minstermen's chant... "He's tall, he's quick, his name's a porno flick, Emmanuel! Emmanuel!"
Brian Pinas - When Newcastle signed him from Feyenoord in 1998 the Geordie fans were immediately worried that he would be sent off for foul and abusive language whenever the referee asked him for his name. Unfortunately for all concerned he never got the chance - making only one appearance before being sold back to the Rotterdam club.
Prince Polley - The Ghanaian international sounded like something Barbie might be dating, but was a hugely popular figure in the Dutch league in the 90's.
Pedro Power - Bolivian midfielder. Of course, we grew up with Man City's Paul Power, but somehow Pedro sounds better.
Bas Savage - We're not sure if he's related to long-haired namesake Robbie, but whilst the Leicester and Blackburn midfielder has comically made a name for himself as a hardman (he wouldn't have last 2 minutes in the 70's or 80's), Bas has made his name as a striker with a trademark moonwalk goal celebration, made famous on football AM.
Rafael Scheidt - Rafael was Scheidt by name, but shite by nature. Signed by John Barnes for just under 5 million, the Brazilian defender was spectacularly bad. He played less than 90 minutes in total and was farmed out by Martin O'Neill after the Irishman witnessed him in action during a friendly in Ireland.
Orlando Trustfull - The classy Dutch midfielder played a couple of time for Holland before moving to Sheffield Wednesday where, bizarrely, he played a trial game under the guise of one 'Ryan Twerton'. Married to the delightfully named TV presenter Quinty Trustfull.
Mario Turdo - Was the Argentinian as crap as his name suggested ? Celta Vigo, Rennes and Las Palmas certainly thought so.
Lopez Ufarte - Anyone growing up around the time of the '82 World Cup will appreciate this one. Did we laugh when we opened up our Panini album for the first time, turned to Spain and saw that name ? Like never before.
Kick van der Vall - Cult figure in the 70's with Dutch side FC Twente.
Wolfgang Wolf - You couldn't make this up. A stalwart pro for nearly 12 years with Bundesliga side 1.FC Kaiserslautern, he stepped into coaching with Stuttgart Kickers in 1994 before landing his dream job... yes, Wolfgang Wolf became coach of Wolfsburg. It was a sad day, 5 years later, when he left for Nurnberg. Nicknamed Wolfie. Probably.
Jesus Maria Zamora - Another one from the 1982 Panini book of dreams. It's not so strange now but back then, as a 10 year old, it was baffling and humorous to think that someone called Jesus was playing football at the World Cup. Cup.
I dare say there will be more.

Jesus is a common name in Spain and Portugal.

and bethlehem.

what about fuchs who played for the smoggies

How about Kuntz

Probably the funniest part of the Baddiel and Skinners Three Lions video was having Kuntz on the back of every German shirt