WATCHED IT LAST NIGHT

QUALITY


PROUD ENGLISHMAN MADE OUT TO BE PART OF A LUNATIC BY TOO MANY "DO GOODERS" (THERES A FUCKING MIS MATCHED TERM FOR YA!) SAYING THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY DO NOT LIKE HIM!? WHICH MAJORITY?

OWNS UP TO BEING A RACIST, BUT THATS HIS OPTION! FREE COUNTRY!!

GOD REST HIS SOUL

"MY DAD TOLD ME TO CHEER UP THINGS CAN ONLY GET WORSE, I CHEERED UP AND THEY DID!!!!!!"

PUMP

I went to see him live once, just out of curiosity, and he really wasn't very funny.

He did however tell one joke in two hours that was genuinely funny.

This scouse bloke driving along with his dog on the passenger seat. Suddenly he sees blue flashing lights behind him. As the copper catches up he belts the dog as hard as he can round the head. The dog falls unconscious in the footwell. The copper grips him and says 'well whatever else I find wrong I'm definitely doing you for animal cruelty, that was disgusting.' The scouser replies 'You'd have belted it if you'd seen it do what I saw it do.' The copper says 'what did it do??'

The scouser says 'It ate my tax disc.......'

his son asked him if he wanted to be buried or cremated

His response was "SURPRISE ME"

bet joke i heard him say was

"people say i am racist and a biggot about telling jokes about jews and the hallocaust, however they dont realise i had a distant old relative that died at Autchwitz.................................. he fell off a watch-tower"

thats wrong but still funny

Best joke was when he says:

"I finished second in a Robert redford lookalike contest the other week, the nigger won it.

My favourite was "Pack your bags love, I've won the Pools!"

"Where are we going?"

"I'm not going anywhere, but you can fuck off!"


Although some of his rants were a bit... you know... "Look at this Jap. Oy, you, come and piss on this fucking Jap. He can't wait to get home and... build a Datsun. December 7, 1941, you sack of shit. We'll never forget that"

Erm... for that reason I think the world was, overall, a bit of a better place without his comedy.

I allways get a laugh when i see bernard on the telly. The mrs merton show with that gadgee from one foot in the grave and that other talk show when Esta Ranson was on

“They actually think they’re English because they are born here. That means if a dog’s born in a stable, it is horse.”

Vulgar, unfunny, arrogant, everything I look for in entertainment what.
Fook me I even prefer French comedians to that hunk of (deceased) lard.

NO BUT IT HELPS BEING JEWISH

Nature, not content with denying him the art of comedy, conferred on him the gift of being 'f*****g' irritating!