I took our kids and some of your advice and phoned them up to complain....I said I was leaving them and going over to SKY last Friday!!!!

They've just phoned me up today and said I can have a new package 'for life' including free phone calls, weekends and evenings, 4meg broadband which is due to go upto 8meg and their full TV package for £35!!!!

I asked what guarantee I'll get for it being for life....he said he'll send a letter of confirmation out!!!!

Still decent value like!!!!

A life deal, huh? But that sounds exactly like a Midsomer Murders story.

They'll cash your £35 and next day you'll be found face-down in a ditch

"What have we got, George?"
"He's been dead fo about 6 hours Tom, wound to the lower back, looks like a kitchen knife to me. There's something unusual though - this letter was found clutched in his hand...."
Barnaby scans the letter, and then says wearily "Jones, get onto Virgin Media again and if you get through sometime in the next week tell them that there's another count of murder to add to the other 243. Oh, and let them know my broadband's still not working....."

Quid pro quo.

Mutley's found face down somewhere at regular intervals.