I PAID A CARPENTER UP FRONT TO MAKE ME A DOUBLE BED AND THE BUGGER'S GONE AND MADE ME A DOUBLE BUNK.
iT IS JUST ONE THING ON TOP OF ANOTHER.

Well to do elderly lady at a dinner party :

' My late husband was actually the captain of an ocean-going liner.'

Fellow guest : ' Oh really? Did he work for Cunard?'

Elderly lady : 'Oh indeed - he was most industrious.'

Paddy McCoy an elderly Irish farmer recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an Inspector to interview him.

On the appointed day the Inspector turned up "Tell me about your staff" he asked Paddy.

"Well" said Paddy, "there's the farm hand and I pay him £240 a week and he has a free cottage".

"Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week along with free board and lodgings".

"Then there's the half wit. He works 16 hours a day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife".

"That's disgraceful" said the Inspector, "I need to interview the half wit"

"That'll be me then" said Paddy.