A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of
Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith"

Three Guys & a Genie

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American
engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a
Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the
Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ."

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever
made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall
around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside
and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our prec ious
state.

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall
around those countries..

The American engineer asks, "I am very curi ous. Please tell me more
about this wall".

The Genie explains , "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500
feet thick and completely surrounds these countries........ it's
virtually impenetrable.

Now what is your wish?"

The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof!

WORLD PEACE !!

The Nudist Colony

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if
you get an erection, it means that you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, " Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new, "says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it means that you called for me."

The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his
way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back
and you can keep the $250 membership fee.
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."