Came home to find we have a chicken strutting around the bottom of the garden. God knows how it got there. Catching it is like trying to catch the wind. Neighbours dogs on both sides are barking despite the six foot fence and the daughter ran in to announce it's shitting everywhere.

Sunday lunch?

Method
Heat the slow cooker if necessary and add a splash of water to the base. Scrunch up some foil to make a trivet to sit in the base of the bowl to rest the chicken on. Put the chicken into the pot and season the skin. Cover and cook on Low for 5 hours or until the leg or wing feels very loose when you wiggle it. Tip the juices inside the chicken out as you lift it out.

Brown the chicken skin under the grill or carve the chicken before anyone sees it. Spoon the liquid out of the base of the pan to use as gravy, there won't be much but it will have a good flavour.

Thanks for the visual Mr Butt.

One of our away fans on the way to Sutton along the Thames

Sit down and watch Rocky again.

Whatever happens don`t let the neighbours kids see you chokin the chicken

Keep it! I rather like Chickens.

Anyone knows how to pluck a chicken?

It can't get into the room because of the elephant ...

It's got worse! The daughter phoned the RSPCA and phoned me up to tell me they were coming. A lovely young lady turned up with the gear to catch it and we set off to the bottom of the garden which is on two levels. We cornered it and it turned into a super hero and leapt onto the top of a six foot fence in one go and disappeared. Ah well.
Returned back home at tea time celebrating my National winner and looked out of the kitchen window, when it's fecking head popped up from behind flower pots and it carried on shitting.

You're not going to let him go hungry are you ? And have word with the neighbour's about their dogs while you're at it.

I've ordered a Colonal Sanders suit and a stick on white wispy beard. Battle commences again today.

If the chickens still there tomorrow it will no doubt be debated at Prime Ministers Question Time.

Talk about 'chickens coming home to roost'... or is that roast

Last seen on Middleton Beach

Thought about contacting Wile E Coyote this morning but have no access to dynamite or an ACME safe.
Owner turned up with a net this afternoon, the net must have been off a trawler, we cornered it, he threw the net, it put up two feathers and it was off up a tree. "It's a handful this one" he said and asked me to phone him if it came down. Oh dear.
Meanwhile the shit's everywhere, it's killed a pigeon and now it's nobbling me new apple trees .

Well you can't keep pestering folk with phone calls,Snowy...Let him stay for a while,fatten him up .. then go for grabs on soft ground in the Summer?

Put some Atomic Rooster tracks on and place the speakers at the bottom of the garden, that'll scatter it.

... or try the Moldy Peaches -Steak for Chicken

that'll bring him running.

A chicken shitting is bad enough. However, a chicken with the Bombay trots is a catastrophe.

If you did a slide tackle on the chicken and broke a leg, would it be considered serious fowl play?