Farts that hurt

poolieinnottingham · **Posted:** Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:42 pm

Does anyone else get these? Usually fast, noisy, raspy ones, which come in clusters, and make the ringpiece smart. Feel sort of angular, like if a normal boff was round, these would be square or hexagonal.

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22671

You are seriously odd Mr Pin!

MutleyRules · **Posted:** Wed Jan 25, 2017 12:18 am

I call them Sharp Farts!!!!

Snowy · **Joined:** Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:18 pm **Posts:** 37684

Mr PIN, I think you must lay awake at night with the sound of In the Night Garden playing in your head as you contemplate the abstract variations of your bodily functions. I think you should write a book about it..... You could call it Turds, Piss, Discharges and Strange Sensations Down Below....a life wondering why?
You'd coin it in :laugh:

monkeybutt · **Posted:** Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:29 am

I have been looking for an apprentice PIN, I think you have all the credentials required, PM me when you feel the time is right.

I call it a farturter, when it thraaps through your hoop, like it`s bigger than the hole and it takes shards of glass with it, I usually have to walk it off :shifty:

Hartleblue · **Posted:** Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:34 am

monkeybutt wrote:

I have been looking for an apprentice PIN, I think you have all the credentials required, PM me when you feel the time is right.

I call it a farturter, when it thraaps through your hoop, like it`s bigger than the hole and it takes shards of glass with it, I usually have to walk it off :shifty:

tREE_wiTH_hAMStER · **Joined:** Sat May 19, 2007 11:00 am **Posts:** 20758

Currently in a shared office and never sure whether to just let farts out or leave the room?

As a general rule I just let it build up when the attractive lass is in the office and let them out silently when she ain't.

poolietim · **Posted:** Wed Jan 25, 2017 9:00 am

I did The Lyke Wake walk on Saturday and suffered from terrible wet farts. Almost followed through with some and had to lay a few pipes out on the wild and windy moor at -5 at 4 am just to clear the airways.

The nappy rash I suffered after was horrendous.

The Bishop · **Posted:** Wed Jan 25, 2017 3:50 pm

Don't worry about the Farts that hurt, it is the occasional oversized Turd that really hurts when escaping to freedom down the Crapper! My eyes are watering just thinking about them!!!!

born toulouse · **Posted:** Wed Jan 25, 2017 4:33 pm

You should all get Muttley to loosen your rings with one of his out-sized toys. You'd be farting and crapping no trouble after that and I'm sure he wouldn't charge much.

Malcolm Dawes Knew My Father · **Joined:** Wed May 11, 2011 4:25 pm **Posts:** 4198

poolieinnottingham wrote:

Does anyone else get these? Usually fast, noisy, raspy ones, which come in clusters, and make the ringpiece smart. Feel sort of angular, like if a normal boff was round, these would be square or hexagonal.

Sounds like you might be getting piles if your ringpiece is nipping.

There are loads of websites for hypochondriacs like you, but be warned, they always dwell on worst case scenarios that'll scare you guanoless.

If in doubt, see the doc.

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22671

guanoless

Snowy · **Joined:** Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:18 pm **Posts:** 37684

Malcolm Dawes Knew My Father wrote:

poolieinnottingham wrote:

Does anyone else get these? Usually fast, noisy, raspy ones, which come in clusters, and make the ringpiece smart. Feel sort of angular, like if a normal boff was round, these would be square or hexagonal.

Sounds like you might be getting piles if your ringpiece is nipping.

There are loads of websites for hypochondriacs like you, but be warned, they always dwell on worst case scenarios that'll scare you guanoless.

If in doubt, see the doc.

Good point that. The number of people who go scouring the Internet to disover their blackhead was the first sign of Bolivan knob driller Syndrome when it wasn't, must be phenomenal.

KeithNobbsBigToe · **Joined:** Wed May 01, 2013 11:32 pm **Posts:** 1057

poolietim wrote:

I did The Lyke Wake walk on Saturday and suffered from terrible wet farts. Almost followed through with some and had to lay a few pipes out on the wild and windy moor at -5 at 4 am just to clear the airways.

The nappy rash I suffered after was horrendous.

Dry your arse with some baby powider. Sorts it out soon enough. I'm always pinching it from the kids. The wife goes mad.

:-o

monkeybutt · **Posted:** Thu Jan 26, 2017 7:44 pm

KeithNobbsBigToe wrote:

poolietim wrote:

I did The Lyke Wake walk on Saturday and suffered from terrible wet farts. Almost followed through with some and had to lay a few pipes out on the wild and windy moor at -5 at 4 am just to clear the airways.

The nappy rash I suffered after was horrendous.

Dry your arse with some baby powider. Sorts it out soon enough. I'm always pinching it from the kids. The wife goes mad.

:-o

Trouble with that is, when you fart in bed and you have black silk sheets, you get smoke ring marks on em :shifty:

KeithNobbsBigToe · **Joined:** Wed May 01, 2013 11:32 pm **Posts:** 1057

monkeybutt wrote:

KeithNobbsBigToe wrote:

poolietim wrote:

I did The Lyke Wake walk on Saturday and suffered from terrible wet farts. Almost followed through with some and had to lay a few pipes out on the wild and windy moor at -5 at 4 am just to clear the airways.

The nappy rash I suffered after was horrendous.

Dry your arse with some baby powider. Sorts it out soon enough. I'm always pinching it from the kids. The wife goes mad.

:-o

Trouble with that is, when you fart in bed and you have black silk sheets, you get smoke ring marks on em :shifty:

Farts that hurt

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