What the fuckety fuck??

On the news today. Its about to be performed.

I can think of quite a few that post on here that could do with a new body, and even more that could do with better looking heads.

How do they know if it is a head or body transplant? If the head is in control afterwards surely its a body transplant.

Anyway, everybody knows that afterwards the creation will be misunderstood and feel so threatened that it will murder people before hunting down its creator. Didn't these scientists ever watch a Hammer Horror?

Or read Mary Shelley?

It's definitely a body transplant though. Kind of hoping it doesn't work, otherwise there'll be a queue of billionaires wanting the procedure. The Donald could live for another 70 years at this rate and have the oldest combover in recorded history.

Could be some interesting sporting applications. We should get in first and have Brian Honour's head grafted onto an apprentice's body.

And Bob Newton's weapon could be grafted on so that the apprentice gets to enjoy his evenings in the largest possible way..

Was thinking Mr Nottingham might fancy a full wedding tackle swap if his pins and needles continue.

You'll know where they live, just follow the mob of villagers with the pitchforks and burning torches lead by the Witchfinder General (Peter Cushing) preferably in a violent thunderstorm.

We could "Manufacture" the perfect Pools player this way.

I'll start...Hugh Robertson's left leg...

...Sperreviks arse

Bob Newton's...barrel chest.

Antony Sweeney's...lungs

Godwin Antwi's tackle

Billy Ayre's eyes.

But you cant transplant his ability to win the ball.

Oh hang on, I see what you mean.

James Browns brain.

Assuming his superior skills came from there.

Phil Browns ability to tan.

Mckinnons thighs

Dimi's hands

Willie Waddell's sideburns - they added balance and let him exploit a following wind.

We can't put Brian Honour's head on and then scoop his brain out to make room for James Brown's. Just having Brian's skull would be a waste.

Oh I beg to differ:

http://gb.imdb.com/title/tt0085894/

Fair point, I was being too traditionalist in my approach to bio-engineering the perfect Pools player. I do think we need a torso though. We've got assorted limbs, multiple brains, facial hair, a barrel chest and a liability of an arse but nothing in the middle. Can I suggest Fatty Foggon's ample girth to more than fill the space?

Got to get Ritchie Humphreys Cheeks in there. And I dont mean his arse.

Sorry it must be Boyd brain the rest apart from left leg Jan Ove

Oh and gus de Leila salute celebration.

Not Dimi pits

Got to have Roy Hogan's hair - the classic Hartlepool moptop.

And as Billy Ayre's stare is a bit of a metaphysical concept, can we have his magnificent, very tangible 'tache as well? It would look very well under Hogan's barnet.

I've put all this info into a programme and while the results give us a stunning theoretical player...... It doesn't look too good at even walking never mind playing

Snwoy could be right. Is anybody very good at Photoshop? We need to see if all these add up to an aesthetically pleasing Poolie. I've got a bad feeling that it isn't going to look right even after we've added Featherstone's beard and a couple of Ronnie Moore tats

Monkhouses elbows.

Surely we have to have Denis Behans left foot on the end of that leg?

It sure was great having a left footed striker giving us balance up top.

So far Frankenpoolie has two legs and four thighs. The legs incidentally being physically incompatible, ..... which explains the chronic limp.
Also, no shorts have been made to fit a player with four thighs.
It's not looking good.

Roberto Carlos had thighs that easily counted double, we could borrow some of his old shorts.

I'm sure Snowy can draw this for Monkey Business

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I wouldnt do that.

It will suddenly be called the bunker business and be boycotted by someone somewhere.

Might as well just do one on here and cut out the middle man