Got booked in a cottage on a farm at Danby. There were three cottages, we pull up and our lass goose steps to the farmhouse for the key. She comes back and tells us we're in 'snowdrop', a cute name for a cute cottage.
We get in and it was truly five star.... We unpack and settle down. There's a big lemon drizzle cake on the table left by the owners waiting to be eaten and a real log fire waiting to be lit, which I did and settled down in a big comfy chair with a piece of cake and a mug of tea.... Bliss.
Then, a knock at the door and I answer to be confronted by a bloke, alongside him a younger bloke with a Labrador which tries to get in but I redirect out with my foot. The bloke tells me it's his place and I tell him it's a credit to him, but he informed me he'd actually rented it. I ask the wife ....anyway we were in the wrong place and our cottage was further over and had to do the walk of shame with all our stuff to our new place.
As I stormed across I asked her why we were in there.... She said she liked the sound of the name.....
It must have happened to you.

It could only happen to you!!!!

Reminds me of the time I went into my hotel bedroom where a naked Nicole Kidman had mistaken it for hers and refused to leave or even get dressed.

Sort of that kind of thing..

Me and our lass went to Ibiza with our two best friends, another couple. They had money at the time and booked a 4-star hotel, really nice Pool etc. We were on Steelworks Budget so booked a cheap apartment. Needless to say we spent all week sitting by their pool, using their facilities and only going back to our little room at 3am to sleep. Anyway, went great till the second last night when we got completely blaked and worked out that there was nobody in the room next door to them, which was accessible via the balcony..you could clearly see the door was open.

So, 3am again, we hopped over the 2ft gap and slept like logs in luxury until around 9am when I suddenly heard the sound of cases being dragged, and keys in the lock, and German voices.....

Unbelievably, in the time it took for them to get the cases in (the entrance was a bit of an "L" shape) we were out of bed and through the patio doors and back into our friends room. Dunno how they explained it away but they certainly didn't get that room as we saw them later in the day in the lift.

My girlfriend at the time Dachma and I went to Ibiza.....ah fuck it, you know the rest!

Nah we don't ..... honest. Come on tell us about the deportation, the cucumber incident, the donkey compensation business and the diverted flight, we should be told.

Dachma, is that you?

If I told my most embarrassing story you wouldn't believe me. I was there and I don't believe it!!!!

Not like you to be a tease Mr. Bishop. Put your best socks on, take a deep breath, and spill -

We won't tell a soul.

Somehow over the years I've found that the common denominator is my wife. She spent years passing a village on the A34 near Brackley where she kept saying it sounded lovely and we should go, Hinton on the Hedges or something like that, but when you're trying to get to Portsmouth and you're late, who gives a toss
Well, one day I weakened and took the diversion to see if it was paradise on earth...... Now call me a cynic, but it was twee cottages with three cars at every house and twitching curtains but not a soul in sight, a manicured Marie Celeste, a village of the Damned.
But, it must have cursed us because we were going to the Trafalgar Fleet review and couldn't go because she was needed at work I wasn't too happy but she reassured me with the following words...roughly.... " Look, it can't be helped, but you can go to the next 200th anniversary!
The irony was lost on her even when I pointed we'd probably dead in 200 years time

We have to hear it to judge it, c'mon spit it out!

You won't believe it, as I said I was there and I don't believe it! And its embarrassing....... so here goes.....

I was 21 and thought I was a Man of the World and knew everything about everything (like you do at that age) and took my slightly younger girlfriend on holiday. First night went back to the Hotel to find the bar shut at twelve as it was a Family Hotel. Hotel was on the outskirts of the resort and only 1 bar near which also shut at 12. Was a long walk to/from the main resort.

Next night walked back realised the Hotel Bar etc would be shut so, being a Man of the World I deduced that the little bar down a street near the Hotel, the one with no signage or tables and chairs outside was obviously a locals bar where they would have cheap drink and Tapas and be full of Hotel staff etc. So we went in.....

I was slightly surprised as there were only 3 old men sat at the bar and an attractive barmaid, then out the corner of my eye another person appeared from what was obviously the toilets..... at which point all I heard from the doorway was my girlfriend screaming(Repeatedly) "I am not coming in here!", confused I looked at the blokes at the bar for support, yet they put their heads down, I looked to the "toilets" and saw the lady walking towards me wearing nothing but a bright white thong, then I noticed the Red light in the window, then looked at the barmaid who smiled and said "Don't worry son, you're not the first and won't be the last to make this mistake. You and your girlfriend can stay for just a drink". So stupidly I repeated this to my Girlfriend who replied angrily and shoutedly "I am not coming in here!"

Needless to say we never had a nightcap, luckily the next day(ish) my girlfriend did see the funny side. #Brothelsshouldhaveclearsignage.

It would only be embarrassing if your young girlfriend had accepted a glass of warm milk from the stranger at the bar.

And the red light in the window WAS clear signage!

You couldn't see the red light from outside, especially on a sunny day!

Was swimming in the sea in Portugal, a fair distance out and only a bloke who was snorkeling anywhere near me. I noticed people waving on the beach and thought well I don't know anybody so they can't be waving at me.

A couple of blokes started a race down the beach and then started swimming out at speed - straight towards me so I swam out of their way a bit. Once they grabbed the snorkel gadgie I realised that he only had a face mask and hadn't been so much snorkeling as floating face down, which is sometimes known as drowning.

They got him on his back and dragged him ashore and I couldn't think of much else to do but follow behind. They got him breathing again but he looked very blue. At that point it occurred to me that everybody on the beach was staring at me thinking, "That's the bastard that did nothing to help a drowning bloke who was right next to him." Not my finest moment.