Me and our lass took the bairns there today, it was ellish. Basically the ruins of a large Norman castle within a fucking huge moated area. Loads of room for running round playing footy, climbing the ruin walls, rolling down banks and what have you. Amazing views as well.

Apart from anything else, I spent a good while thinking about what 'Old Sarum' could mean to someone with a filthy mind. I reckon it could be a type of person, such as an ageing prostitute, or refer to something biological which is normally washed away like helmet smeg.

Eg 'Rooney was driving round for ages searching for an old sarum', or 'When I went to Glastonbury I didn't have a shower for five days. When I got home I had more old sarum to scrape out than Soft Mick'.

And while we're on the subject, I've always thought that the Roman name for Gloucester (Glevum) sounds like the medical word for some part of a cock, maybe the seam thing that runs down from the helmet over the knackers and beyond.

Don`t fret, there is help out there lad