I went to the Burton beer festival this afternoon, planning to be home by seven to mind the bairns as our lass was due to babysit.

So there I was with fellow Poolie Mark, enjoying the beer but drinking slowly so as not to get blaked. But around the time Walker scored, our lass texted to say that I didn't need to hurry back as her mate was ill and didn't need a babysitter.

So it turned out I had a good skinful made all the better by the result, made a proper fucking pig of myself in the Chinese, and when I finally got home our lass was feeling frisky.

Just about to go to bed with a full stomach and empty sac, with the prospect of my turn for a lie in tomorrow morning followed by taking the bairns to a vintage fire engine rally in the afternoon. And Pools are out of the bottom two. Oh yes!

Riveting read. Thanks so much for the journalistic reporting.

cracked me up - even made the wife read it - just to try and give a hint as to what makes a 'great day' - don't think she got it though

In the best possible way, that is pure Viz!

How was the vintage fire engine rally?

And did you have a hang over wank when the wife got up with the younguns?

Not really interested but you seemed to want to talk about it!

It must have been the first time in ages any have you have performed in the bedroom on a Saturday.

well done lads.. .

Sussex, you have had all day to come up with some obsessive trolling and that's the best you can do?

Very poor

Everything he posts is very poor.

T rolls are meant to provoke a reaction he's too stupid to even do that. Tex Ritter is killing him on the grown man pathetic internet t roll stakes.

First time in ages is better than never at all in your case.
( p.s. masturbstion doesn't count as sex, another of your hopes dashed)