be honest with me lads, it's the bad aids isn't it?!

I understand Yakult clears all that shit up. Either that or Cillit Bang

so I'm not going to die?

Noooo drink some Yakult everyday and you'll live a long life.......you'll be skint cos it's more expensive than Champagne, but you'll have so much healthy good bacteria in your guts your farts will smell of roses

I was gonna rub Yakult on it to cool it down...drink it you say?
radical thinking

I am a maverick like.....oh Mavericks I used to like them. They where healthy too.......they had raisins in so where 1 of your 5 a day

do they help itchy bum's?

They might if taken orally I don't think Mavericks or any confection are recommended as a suppository though, especially Extra Strong mints.

not even Mars bars?

what about the Lion bar, you could get a good scratch with them nobbly bits on them...not to mention a certain amount of pleasure

Try ryvitas they're a much healthier option and have a coarse surface.

I've never liked Ryvita's......untill now!


Paulus, you're a genius amongst men!

I also have a new found respect for celery

I do not, repeat, DO NOT like salt n vinegar chipsticks anymore!

Try a breadstick...put it one end, and it will come out of the other. That should solve your problem.

tried that, too smooth.


I'm not brushing my teeth tonight.....

What about a wire brush or at a push, a brillo pad.

Sounds like a bit of threadworm, matey.

Yakult may be the way forward. Or just perfect a bum-shuffle down a grassy bank like dogs do!

My itchy piles need a good scratt several times a day..It's alright for people tutting in queue's behind me ,but they don't have the problem do they..

Close the back curtains of your caravan mate and then they won't be able to see you.................sorted.