from M...fookin.....I

just had a third cabinet delivered..damaged...after the last two were damaged......

and now they have rang to say the taps they have forgotten about won't be delivered until 23rd feb.......

anyone willing to let me bring around the washing up?

Go down there and cancel the order. They are in breach of the sale of goods act so you are entitled to your money back.

I wrote up a kitchen complaint to B&Q from a mate of a mate as I kind of know the ropes from the other side of the coin, i.e. I handled all my ex-companies customer complaints for five years.

I had her in for four and a half grand and the daft bitch settled for 180 quid.

Don't take no for an answer, they'll always increase any offer will MFI so you can comfortably take the piss. I'll do your letter for 20%??

Hey Kev, I've just had two bites and flung the most tasteless excuse for a sandwich ever from a leading supermarket, get me a letter written and I'll give you 30% ...

p.s. what's 30% of 74p...?

Love to help but I've got a minimum commision of 500 'snodgers' ((C)Mutley) which might just price you out!!

Kev, during a visit to the ablutions, my finger poked through the paper. The packet said it was soft and strong. Soft I grant you but clearly not strong. Can I get compo ?

Get your finger out and do it yourself

Can you clearly and irrefutably demonstrate that since the regrettable unscheduled finger/soiled rectum interface that the trauma has severely dented your ability to cack in a serene manner due to the foreboding of the impending bum wipe?? Do you have feelings of dread??

My current problems revolve around an intense fear of reoccurance. I have taken to using a wire brush to avoid any possibility of a repeat. Consequently my rear end is like a plate of tripe with tomato sauce applied liberally.