"...Sky news have just reported that Freddie Shepherd gave a statement to
the stock exchange this morning at 9.18 am regarding Newcastle UTD PLC
nearly signing David Beckham, Dirk Kuyt, Tevez and Mark Viduka. The
statement was greeted with astonishment and then a deathly hush descended on
the floor as the fat Geordie Chairman proudly pronounced the shock transfers
who he nearly signed for the club. Newcastle UTD shares rocketed to £1.81 on
hearing the news of these near signings. Jose Mourinho was quick to reply on
Sky Sports News about the statement.He said "how can Chelsea complete with
Newcastle on these terms, they are nearly buying all the top players, I see
reports on TV that they nearly signed David Beckham and then only 24 hours
later Fat Freddy tells the stock exchange that they nearly bought Dirk Kuyt
in the summer, It is just spoiling game!. Sir Alex Ferguson was also quick
to comment "this is just ridiculous that Newcastle are once again nearly
signing all the top players available, they nearly signed Wayne Rooney and
they nearly signed Ronaldo!..the whole thing needs sorting out or else
Newcastle Utd nearly signing players policy will ruin our beautiful game!. A
spokesman from Newcastle UTD PLC said these words in retaliation "I have
heard Jose mourinhos and Alex Fergusons comments, just because we are
actively nearly signing the top players in the world does not mean that we
are spoiling the game, just raising the standards of nearly signing players,
these players were nearly signed but remember we nearly signed Wayne Rooney,
Ronaldinho, Zidedine Zidane, Ronaldo. Outside St James park a crowd of 4
gathered on hearing the shock news, one fan called Keegan Beardsley who had
just paid £33 for a shirt worth £2 and the words "nearly Beckham! proudly
displayed on the back, had this to say via an interpreter (no one could
understand him)! Arl reet dee yee smerk tarbs? Wore gannin pleeces this
cloob...wore nearly gannin to get Christiano Ronaldo next week like!..."

Sounds a bit like Darlo as well, they nearly signed Michael Bridges, Tino Asprilla and Luke Beckett, not to mention Paul Connor.........

And I thought all Geordie kids were called Nolberto Shearer......?

whey man that's git true ya knarr tharriz marra. Whey tharra massive club ya knarr. Thar repprazent arll tha Nurth Eest an arll. Teen Teez sez sur, leek.

Translation please

how way man larn ye sel geordie

I've got the Album....'with Mike Neville'!!!! :sweet:

good crack with him and owld bob the weather man
but i think he is very ill now