A Plan for the Improvement of English Punctuation.

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22659

Anyone else read this? My favourite book on the mystic science (to some) of punctuation.

Quote:

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

'Well, I'm a panda', he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22659

The best bit....................

Quote:

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is all about.
You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men.
I yearn for you.
I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart.
I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?

Jill

Quote:

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is.
All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you.
Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me.
For other men I yearn!
For you I have no feelings whatsoever.
When we’re apart I can be forever happy.
Will you let me be?

Yours, Jill

Montpoolier · **Posted:** Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:08 pm

An English professor wrote the words "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote, "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote, "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

I'll tell you one thing I had a hard time getting my head round: German punctation. They just don't use it the way we do. They put commas in the most unexpected places and unless you know their conventions you end up scratching your head saying WTF? confised

Spender · **Posted:** Tue Sep 23, 2008 6:53 pm

The Chinese have no punctuation to speak of, no 'a,' no 'the,' and every noun changes the verb.

I need a bloody medal for teaching English here. :grin:

Fensy · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 9:15 pm **Posts:** 6473

I thought the joke went like this

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'

A Plan for the Improvement of English Punctuation.

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