Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your friends are for

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex, Sport, or Cars

You have enough clothes

You have too many shoes

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

what,

Mrs Parmo's been at the drink. We might have to lock the doors to the bar

Thanks for that Mr I,
I understand fully, So what about women's rules? Do you have any of those?

I thought nope, the world is already full of 'em