by Roger McGough

Footy Poem

I'm an ordinary feller six days of the week
But Saturday turn into a football freak
I'm a schizofanatic, sad but it's true
One half of me's red, and the other half's blue.

I can't make me mind up which team to support
Whether to lean to starboard or port
I'd be bisexual if I had time for sex
Cos it's Goodison one week and Anfield the next.

But the worst time of all is Derby day
One half of me's home and the other's away
So I get down there early in me usual place
With me rainbow scarf and me two-tone face.

And I'm shouting for Liverpool, the Reds can't lose
'Come on de Everton' - 'Gerrin dere Blues'
'Use yer winger' - 'Worra puddin'
'King of der Kop' - All of a sudden - Wop
'Goal!' - 'Offside!'

And after the match as I walk back alone
It's argue, argue all the way home
Some nights when I'm drunk I've even let fly
An given meself a poke in the eye.

But in front of the fire watchin 'Match of the Day'
Tired but happy, I look at it this way:
Part of me's lost and part of me's won
I've had twice the heartaches - but I've had twice the fun