lad in our office goes and makes a cup of tea and insists on stirring it for around 30/40 seconds while smashing the spoon off the sides of the cups with such force that it sounds like a fire alarm going off.

Is there any need? Surely stirring a cup of tea takes about 5 seconds maximum no matter how much sugar you use? I simply cant see how the extra 30/35 seconds helps in anyway?

Your bitterness towards those with a stronger wrist action than your own does you no credit Mr Tree.

having said that I'm currently outraged by the fact that my wife and daughter have taken to watching old episodes of Dance Moms every night. They think it is fooking hilarious but the fact that it even exists makes me angry with the world.

Cameron, Osborne, Duncan Smith, people who can't be arsed to get dressed before they go out, people who carry on talking on mobile phones regardless of whatever else they're doing, people who stop dead in front of you while you are walking behind them, people who can't do their job properly and leave it for someone else to clear up, bloody stupid tv adverts, people who drive too fast along our street, breaking an egg yolk when you crack it in the frying pan, people on buses who smell like the devil's arse, shitty reality tv shows, Alan Carr, the monarchy, people who can't fold the end of the sellotape over after they've used it, people who dump stuff down our back lane (over the years had two cars, various chairs, settees, mattresses and other sundry furniture as well as bags of household rubbish) and the twats who use our wheelie bin as an overspill for their own shite.

That should do for now, wouldn't believe I was in a good mood today would you ?

Lad I know who works in an office said everytime he makes a cuppa tea some lad in fancy socks keeps staring at him looking frustrated. He said he also heard the lad has a habit of shitting in sinks

If I'm in a restaurant/cafe/eaterie and someone on an adjacent table doesn't want to finish their meal and none of their table-mates want it, I should be able to ask for it without judgement. It'll only go to waste otherwise.

How long do you stare at the food before asking/making a lunge?

PJ
Ignorant fucking pharmacy staff
Drivers who don`t know how to indicate at roundabouts
Kyle and Rinder
People who send you friend requests on facebook and walk past you in Tesco without acknowledgement
dog shit on pavements
Deep fill sandwiches with no filling anywhere near the crusts!
McDonalds order takers, is that LARGE, is that a COKE- Fuck yourself with a hot apple pie!
Cafe`s that stop doing breakfast at 10.30, this includes you McDonalds bastards!
Dickheads who endanger life on roads by reading texts!
recycling bin men who leave their droppings all over the road!
People who cannot park between 2 white lines!
LITTER droppers, especially the twats who throw it out of car windows
Automated telephone systems that never have a number for what you want
Pools for not putting seat numbers on millhouse seats, the floating fan is confused!
Parents who block the path while they chat with prams and fucking dogs

i`ll do the rest later, my piss is boiling just thinking about this!

People who make a cuppa and put the milk in first.
crap bog roll that chafs your hoop
Pretentious restaurants that charge £25 for a budgie portion and call gravy Jus!
Motorway services pricing of everything.
Flat pack instruction leaflets.
Lumpy mash
Ignorant shop assistants.
People who let dogs off leash, because everyone loves dogs, wanker!
Exuberant charity workers that stop you in Malls, service stations etc, "Hiya there", jog on!

Good job i`m in a good mood eh!

At least fifteen minutes before ultimately deciding against it.

This happened to me not so long ago. Two youngish women blocking a narrow pavement on a busy road bridge practically in the middle of nowhere, so it's not like they couldn't see me coming 100 metres away. I wiggled past as delicately as I could without complaining and the entitled b***s went looney: "Nobody ever teach you to say 'excuse me'!? Rant rant rant."
Yep, it was totally my fault.

i trust you went back and urinated on the pram wheels

It was smack dab in the middle of this bridge. I could always have called the press and jumped off I guess.

Monty, I see they've marked the spot where they're going to do you in if you ever cross their path again....

'..from the get go..'

My God.

Just shove their babies into the traffic Monty. Really pisses them off and the memory of their murdered offspring makes them think twice about doing it with any future little ones. Sometimes you do have to kill everyone at the scene to cover your tracks. That's a shame when it happens but needs must when you're angry.

Just a minute. I'm all for shoving the mothers into the oncoming traffic, but the babies have done nothing wrong and oughtn't to be penalised. Then Monty could have taken the babies home and looked after them after them properly

Personally I try to avoid grumpy old man syndrome by having a bit of fun with people that irritate me.

The other day on the A19 going North a lorry driver blocked the outside lane for about 3 minutes trying to get past another wagon that was travelling at an almost identical speed.
He finally managed it on the downslope before another hill, so as I went past in the queue of traffic that had built up, I pulled in right in front of him, dropped my speed to about 15 mph and then accelerated away up the next hill, leaving him almost stationary and flashing his lights like crazy.

As the saying goes, don't get mad, get even.

For instance, Mr. Tree, if your irritating tea maker always uses his own cup, have you thought of shitting in it (when he's not about, obviously) then rinsing it out with cold water?
Then you could stroke your chin and cackle wickedly the next time he was clattering his cup with a spoon. Mwahahahaha!

I think that's a given.

isnt it a fact that blokes that drink tea when coffee is available are just gay?

Real men drink strong tea, smoke a pipe and hum 'The Lumberjack Song' when nobody's about.

Scientists have clearly a established a link between beverage choice and sexual identity. I was fairly surprised to learn that anybody who drinks Newcastle Brown Ale is almost certainly a trans-gendered woman who enjoys bondage but you can't argue with the boffins.

[x] Best thread EVER!

There's nothing more annoying than going to a nice restaurant or pub only to find a shit in the sink.

People in all terrain mobility scooters driving down the middle of the road deluding themselves they're still in a car.
The Ben Hur fraternity on their chariots riding along a busy road at peak times covering the road with horse shit and causing a massive tailback because if you overtake the horse takes a wobbly.
'Wimmin' in supermarket queues who after eventually packing their bags rearrange the contents of their handbags. JUST FUCKING MOVE!!!!!!
As above at cash points where they appear to be arranging a mortgage and eventually come away with a tenner.
Dog owner's who tell you their dog understands everything you say.....I've had dogs, try asking them for directions to Plymouth, they're, fecking useless, haven't got a clue... and while I 'm on the topic stop dressing them up in little outfits...they're uncomfortable and embarassed, that's why mother nature covered them in fur and the owners look like muppets.

Couldn't disagree more. Drinking coffee is un-British - and the Italians fetishise the stuff and they're all screaming queens (just look at Mussolini).
It also annoys me that it takes at least 4 people to make a cup with all the frothing and steaming and sprinkling with chocolaty shit that sticks to your top lip that you can still taste hours after drinking it.
Also they had no pen at the lottery terminal at Asda today that meant I had to go elsewhere that delayed me getting home so that I was desperate for a piss and moistened myself trying to get my flies undone in a hurry and had to change my pants (later I farted and followed through and had to change them again).
And I hate the 21st Century as it's nowhere near as good as Thunderbirds made you think it would be.

To be fair Mr Nova, life as a whole is much shitter than anyone ever said. Thunderbirds can't carry the can for everything.

It leads on to a pet hate of mine actually, when you are stood at a bar and someone before you orders coffee. If you want a fucking coffee don't go to a pub. It takes about four times as long as it does to pull a pint. Never fails to piss me off.

which leads me onto people on TV who buy a take out coffee and pretend to drink out of an obvious empty container, just put fuckin coffee in it, it is never that hot ya spoilt wankers

English people who call shopping centre's "Malls "

standing waiting to pay for fuel while someone in front has done a weekly shop.what happened to proper garages?

That fooking stupid GO COMPARE advert.

People who live on edge of town estates and openly class it as a" village"

- People who have more than 5 items at the self serve tills.
- Loud eaters
- Females who say the word mate
- Cyclists who ride pretty much in the middle of the road
- Attention seeks who read something on their phone or PC and say loudly 'Oh I don't believe it' or 'Well that's looking good' Just so they can get somebody to ask them what's up.
- Beer in plastic cups
- When you go to wash your hands after having a slash at a pub to only find somebody has shat in the sink.

"Earnest" musicians like Guy Garvey/Chris Martin et al. FUCKING ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

..and Caramac.

People who park in disabled bays without having a blue badge

People who use the blue badge to park in disabled bays when the disabled person is at home!

Lazy bounders who use the parent and child spaces to park their 2 seater sports car

Very true that annoys me more also people parking in children bays when they either have no kids or theirs is about 18

Beat me to it

Administrators who change the slang word for lady parts into bounder

-Wasting hours in meetings full of dickheads saying business jargan non stop such as
"Blue sky thinking"
"Food for thought"
"Touch base"
"From the get go"

Then coming out the meeting being no further forward.

people who eat with their mouth open and clap their lips like a fuckin hoss

I concur, I used to have meetings with high flyers etc Corporate crap spoke. However we did play Buzzword Bingo until we got caught.

Current buzzwords here which seemed to be getting overused are:

Pivot Tables
Waterfall Charts

No idea what they are, but everytime I hear Pivot I think of Ross and Rachel trying to get a Sofa up the stairs.

Pivot tables are for lazy not nice people who don't know how to use excel properly. Fucking hate them, just catch all data traps for the above mentioned people who have nothing to do other than ask for stuff to make it look like they know what they're doing.

"hit the ground running"

utter wankbags

Pivot Tables can be useful for large volumes of data but you do get people who massively over use them. I watched a presentation by some bloke before and he mentioned the phrase "self updating pivot table" about 15 times, he was a 'lovely lovely person'.

I use pivot tables

I hate phrase lets park that idea. Some twat holding a meeting gave us all cards with a picture of Elmo on it. His reason if you thing someone is going down a rabbit hole just hold it up as stands for Enough Lets Move On!! I wanted to get up and walk out.

People who use track changes on Microsoft word.