You know the type, usually pub-based, at least three people, you'll get onto a topic, and you're guaranteed to hear certain things:

Inventions
Someone will have to mention the bloke who made a fortune out of cats eyes. And that family of the bloke who invented the tetra pak carton who still get all the royalties.

Deaths
If someone dies, and they were say in their late 70's at the least, how long before you hear 'good innings'?

Faulty things - old style tellys
I think the tube is on its way out

Faulty things - kettle
I think the elements gone

Kids TV
Captain Pugwash - Master Bates, Seaman Staines etc

Births
What was the weight?

you are really bored arent you

Avoiding doing the weeding!

Births:

What's she had??

A little girl/boy..........

It's not going to be a big one is it?? They average six pounds.......

My favourites

Holidays:

Going anywhere nice?

Guests arriving:

Did you find us alright?

it gets funnier when kids are involved too
me mams having a baby
thats nice you will have a little brother or sister
its not fair
why?
i wanted a guinea pig or a rabbit

How about..

"How did Pools get on?"

"Won."

When my mum had my younger sister, a relative asked me "Well Christine, what have you got??"

My reply "A new bike."

On 'Child of our time' the other night, they were asking kids what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Most of them said things like fireman, ballerina, footballer, but one of them said 'a rabbit'. Me and our lass were pissing ourselves for a good ten minutes.