phoned the numbers in the classified ads section from tonight's Mail
One was for horse riding accessories and the other one was for a mountain bike


1st conversation goes a bit like this

"Alright - I see you have horse riding gear for sale?"
"Yes"
"Well I'm after a lassoo for the bairn's Buckaroo cos she's lost it"
*muffled laughter* from woman
"Well if you haven't got that the shovel will do"
*silence and a bit more muffled laughter* - "Err I haven't got any of those"
"Well worrabout the piece of cheese from Mousetrap"?

*woman hangs up*