I've got a mate who is studying to be a doctor in Southampton, and I got a recent email from him including this:

I've been in the GUM clinic quite a bit recently (as a student only I might add before your little mind begins to wander!) Its all rather amazing stuff. Stunning how much someone will put up with before they swallow their pride and get their gammy cock out for someone to treat. You would be amazed how common STDs are. In Southampton,the GUM clinic holds a file on 1/3 of the Southampton population. Seriously! The analogy there is that If I've never been before, which one of my neighbours has?


Now I know Southampton has a docks and stuff, but 1 in 3 is quite a high number of people to have been walking round scratching.

I read something on the Mail website a year or so ago, including an interview with a sexual health worker. She said Hartlepool was an STD timebomb waiting to go off, due to the cavalier attitude all the virile youngsters have towards unprotected sex. Timebomb? It made me think that at midnight one Friday there would be a big explosion like a popping sound, and everyone in Church Street would get showered with pus and crabs.

i think i've got one actually

I've had one - Gonorrhea (can't believe I just put that on a public web site) and getting rid is not an experience I want to repeat. The umbrella thing is true.

The whole STD thing is fearsome. Syphillis is spreading like wildfire and contrary to popular belief it is still as fatal as it ever was if untreated.

Chlymidia is also rampant as is gonorrhea: both are difficult to spot for a woman and both will make her infertile. They'll do for your little swimming blokes too but for men its nigh on impossible to know you have something wrong. Without getting too disgustingly technical, the discharge dries and sticks your Y fronts to bits that don't want to be stuck. You simply cannot not notice.

Then of course there is the biggie. Aids is still spreading, over 30% of Africa is infected. Thats a shit load of people carryng the bug. Still, if you get HIV you now have 20 years to live and compared to smoking thats not a bad option.

The bottom line is that there really is no shame in wandering round to the pox doctor these days. It's so common you are bound to see someone you know in there so you'll have company and being that it is what it is you don't have to ask what they are there for.

Is an STD them new cables that are coming out to replace USB's????
I think I saw something on the gadget Show the other week!!!!

I would want to put one of them up me one-eye.

You would?

Ps: Can I get that gear [nudge nudge wink wink] off you on Saturday ?

I definitely wouldn't want to. I heard about a bad thing that happened once with a can of squirty cream.

Saturday morning is best, give me a text when you're thinking of coming round.

Surely you'll be oop north ?

Fraid not. Family do - it's me grandparents wedding anniversary in Warwickshire so I can't make it.

I remember when STD meant subscriber trunk dialling and VD was the abbreviation for the clap!

I remember going on a course where we lectured about the dangers of STD when I was younger, one 'worried looking' individual got the courage up at the end to ask if bleach would 'kill it off'...?

When I was 19 everyone who worked in my office had to pick a name out of a hat and then spend a fiver on them for a christmas present - anonymously.
I got my bosses name; a nice woman but always scatching herself down under - though she probably didnt even realise.
We all stood round in a circle opening our presents.
I got some chocolates and a pair of of novelty underpants.
My boss opened hers, a bottle of bleach and a wire brush, and instead of laughs, there was total embarrrased silence and shock.
I dont know if I went red but it suddenly didnt seem like a great idea after all.