for when we play Peterborough next season

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manc ... 340149.stm

I went out
Drank ten pints
I got really plastered
I went home and beat the wife, cause I'm a northen bastid

we'll have to change the northern bit when we sing it. However we'll probably be arrested and charged with racism.

'Who's that lying on the driveway??
Who's that weeping with the curls??

It's Nadin-er Ferguson
And her bruised and battered sons

'Cos the Scottish bounder is only hard with girls..'

although I personally wouldnt advocate singing songs about wife beating as I dont think it should be used as humour, you could always try singing Sometimes by The Stranglers - off their great album Rattus Norvegicus.

Beat her on the head.
Beat her on the head.
Beat her on the head with a baseball bat oh yer oh yer.

Kick her in the back.
Kick her in the back.
Kick her in the back with a size nine doc oh yer,

What do you give a woman with two black eyes? Nowt - you've already told her twice.

I'm stunned to this day how you didn't make it

I disagree.

There's nothing worse than public disgrace by having the piss unmercifully taken. It's the mildest, most effective form of vigilante action.

Name and shame is what I say.

Don't know about The Stranglers though

Aye and you don't even require a trial, admittedly he's already gone to trial but we don't know the full story. His wife might of repeatedly left the toilet seat down, that'd drive any man to that!

Aye, but how many of the vigilantes have done the same or worse...this is the question.

Do you remember that bloke who had a television series where he was always turning up on the door-step of some scoundrel or other, waving sheaves if incriminating documents and exposing misdemeanours. He was always so triumphant that I got to the point where I started siding with the criminals.

Its one of lifes very simple and basic rules; You just don't hit a woman. No ifs or buts or caveats, you just don't do it.

There's always Courtney Love's band Hole with "He hit me (and it felt like a kiss)".

Someone's just told me that the original version of this is by the Crystals - one of Phil Spector's bands from way back when.
As a counter there's always Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band with 'Nowadays a Woman's Gotta Hit a Man' from Doc at the Radar Station.

Tonight we're (That Legendary Wooden Lion) playing the Ruskin Arms in East Ham - they'll be no songs about men hitting women or women hitting men.

I used to live in East Ham......

One day I saw a couple of lads, one on a girls pushbike the other on foot, pull an Asian man and woman out of their car and start to give them a severe kicking

Once this had finished, the two lads walked/cycled away and the Asian fella got back in car, mounted the pavement, and ran them both over

Fair play I thought, although I was shocked as I had only lived in London for a couple of months

In Worksop one early hours, a friend of mine was on his way home. He was the drum tech with Duran Duran at the time, and had just finished a bugger of a tour and got dropped off on the A1 at Five Lane Ends rather than travel all the way to London and make his way back.

He'd thumbed it in from there, no problem and made his way through town at about 2.30am.

There was this colossall bloke smashing his bird up in a shop doorway no-one about, and her in a tangle. So he stepped in, didn't touch anyone, just got between them, faced the bloke and said 'You might want to think about what your doing mate....'

There was this piercing pain in the back of his head and the claret started flowing. She'd hit him with her shoe, a stilletto heel, and opened his head. 'Don't you tell my husband what to do,' she yelled.

He just went, turned around about fifty yards away and they'd recommenced as though he'd never showed up.

But I bet when the hubby wasn't using her a punchbag, he REALLY loved her and bought her flowers.....

Aye, it's a strange world, no denying that.

Whereabouts did you live in East Ham Talbot? I lived in Manor Park for a while, just off of the Romford Road.

I was only there for about 18 months in the early 90's, but I lived in a place called Ranleigh Road, just off the High Street South and then further up, near West Hams ground

I worked at Newham Community College, although I think they have re-named it now

Happy Days!!!

The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up

Maxwell's silver hammer from Abbey Road

That would be interesting seeing & hearing the massed ranks of Poolies singing that when Peterborough visit. Two Little Boys it certainly isn't.

I lived in Manor Park too - for six months only in 1992. Cant remember the street, on the side of the common, big posh house with two lads and two lasses renting there. We got visits from big hard not nice people, saying the owners owed them a lot of money. The lasses got threatened a couple of times. We left. Spent many years in South London after that, Brixton Hill and Streatham Hill - much preferred it there.

I'd left by then - it was very strange driving round there last night after about 20 years. A friend of my dad's had a garage repairing cars there as well, in Romford Road opposite Little Ilford Lane - used to be a speedway rider in his day and raced for West Ham, Plymouth, Poole and England as well (Alan Smith) - he let me repair my cars in his garage - after telling me how to repair them - it was like an apprenticeship. Good times indeed. Also handy for seeing Pools at the Orient.