Well my area must be plagued with em at moment whats with that?
What excuse do you give to get em gone?

THEY SAID TO ME THE END IS NIGH !!but jesus will be reborn and will come and save the world!

i said 'ok when he comes back send him round and I'll talk directly to him'

i then got a puzzled look.

then i shut the door.

Tell them you didn't even see the accident

answer the door in a red cape, with a big red fork (which you can make out of wood and paint red). A couple of horns on you head (maybe from Fancy dress shop). Maybe a goaty beard ( a bit of black wool and elastic band will do for this if you don't have one).
They'll run for it.

Just invite them into the house for a brew and a chat. They will be so shocked by this that they will have a heart attack and give you some peace

That does work grave, i've done it before meself!!!

I finished work early one day and was bored, they knocked on the door and i invited them in, i bombarded them with questions for about an hour, made them 3 cups of tea and force-fed them Tunnock's Tea-cakes

I've never seen someone so desperate to get out of a front-door in my life!!!!

They were never seen around the Hart Lane area ever again.

I'm not sure if it would work with a double glazing salesman like

Ask to see their blood donors cards.

I just say... hello and what can I do for you..... when they have got about the first four words out I say "I am sorry but I do not wish to offend you at all however thank you and bye for now"
then with a nice smile close the door and walk away..... The then walk up the path and knock at next door.

Easy is it not? it is not nasty or offensive... just polite and honest.

Whenever I've been pestered by religious types I tell them I'm Jewish, and they always scarper.

best is to answer the door at someone elses house
talk guff to them for ashortwhile and then ask them
back later when you have more time

works a treat they come back and boy oh boy is the person who the
house belongs to pissed

dont answer the door as if its not bad enough with all the shite spouted through the media, then someone knocking on your door rabbiting on about a load of shite.

Thats what I do if I know who it is and I dont want to speak to them. The dog barks and the kids shout "dad there's someone at the door" and I have to grab hold of the little buggers before they get there themselves, but at the end of the day I think fuck it, its my door and I'll open it when I want to.

that or the telephone our youngun is mustard for grabbing it as soon as it rings

i always just say that I'd love to speak to them but that they have caught me as I'm going out, you normally get lumbered with a copy of The Watchtower but it's not a bad read if you are stuck on a train or something. Because you have been nice to them they generally get on their way pleasently and you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings, some of the JW's that I've seen have been quite tidy.

i know a member of he brotherhood
two in fact

Who the fook needs an excuse??

Anyway, for what it's worth, here's mine:


"You are not welcome."

A good mate of mine in Worksop became a Jovo about five years ago. At first we used to fight like cat and dog and several times came close to a big permanent fall out. In the end we agreed just to simply not discuss it as he's very devout in his religion and I'm a dead chopsy bounder.

He got trained to go out doorknocking, they all do, and how to react to any negative reaction on a doorstep which is to smile politely and walk away. This is pretty much how the Big Issue sellers are trained also.

What puzzles me though, is if, according to them, there's only a couple of hundred going to heaven why they keep recruiting 'cos they clearly all can't go.

Good question for them though is: 'Who wrote the Bible??' All the people mentioned in it were illiterate fishermen and carpenters etc, therefore it can't be a first hand account.

My team leader is a JW. Whenever you pull him up about something that isn't quite JW-like he just replies "I don't claim to be perfect"!!

A site I found funny: http://www.fadetoblack.com/bestcult

Big Issue sellers are trained?

Yeah, if they're rude to anyone, they don't get any more Big Issues and are kicked to death by marauding drunks at 3am on some park bench.