I've only met a handful of people from Stamford, but all of them had a cocaine problem.

Don't know what bearing that has on the cup draw, but I felt like it needed to be said.

What, getting hold of some?

In a way yes. Years ago I was doing a job in Hemel Hempstead, one night got talking to a couple of Stamfordians in a pub who were working down there too. They were good craic and we had a few pints. It was when there had been heavy snowfall, roads closed and stuff, all of the south ground to a halt.

As the night wore on they got increasingly desperate, stopping anyone that passed, asking where to get some charlie from when we were walking between pubs. In the end I sneaked out of the pub and fooked off as they started getting a bit snarly and aggressive. It was my round too.

Don't worry Mr PIN, its natural, in my younger days I did the old "Magic Toilet" trick when it was my round.

Not getting your round in in a southerners' trick. Didn't know people did it in woolly back country too.

Mr. PIN, getting away from nob heads you'd only just met counts is an extenuating circumstance if ever I heard one.

It's the only time I've shirked a round, but you could tell something was going to kick off. They had started to get bulgy forehead veins and were getting redder. Like Phil Mitchell.

I am having relations in Stamford, a nice market town, no hills anywhere!

Are you sorted for marching powder though?

When you say 'having relations' does that mean you know a lass in Stamford or that you are shagging your relatives there? Not judging, just asking.

My nephews live there, being born there and living near to there, one is joiner and other dump trucks.

I've had relations in Stamford too but it weren't my cousin.

I once had a delicious lamb shank dinner in a pub in Stamford, on the way back from a day at Twickenham,watching the egg chasing.

Hope lamb shank isn't isn't some sort of Stamford rhyming slang Derwent.

Anyway, just checked their message board and they're planning a massive group buy of cocaine for on the way up. Their top boys are feared throughout non-league footy and known as The Narcos. You had a lucky escape Mr Nottingham.

The Narcos getting narky.

Last time I actually stopped in Stamford as opposed to driving through was when we were playing Peterbrough 10 years ago.... We stopped at a pub but I decided to head into town with a following of one and get some decent food.
It was stonking hot and we walked and walked and walked and finally gave up as we were getting nowhere. Returned to pub where the others had decimated the buffet. Got on the coach headed down the road we'd walked down and found out we'd gave up just before the centre of town.
Can't forgive the place.