Now then , I’m not going to waste any time introducing my self except to say that my name is Big Dave and I own an emporium which purveys the finest pastry based comestibles (namely pies and the like) and I support Leeds United.

Now it is my intention to visit Hartlepool for the game next season as I’ve been told by someone the sight of the sun setting over the Nuclear Power Station is truly something to behold and the marina is up there with the likes of Fleetwood and Clacton.

The thing is I’m also a big fan of sea-shanties and I was wondering if there were any venues in the town that might have a night when you can go along and have a good old fashioned sing song. I can’t claim to be an old sea dog or owt like that but I did once go on a barge holiday in Leicestershire, which is where I think I got my sea legs.

By the way there was a thing in the paper recently saying Hartlepool Nuclear Power station had had a safety inspection and as a result has received a glowing report, which I actually found quite worrying when I thought about it.

Looking forward to playing you next season.

PS Is it true that there’s a replica of the Bark Endeavour made of concrete down your neck of the woods, now I’m no maritime historian but I was sure the original was made of wood.

Sorry, I was forgetting my manners, Mr Mutley it is.

I'm thinking of hiring a pedalo to get to see the view of the Nuclear Power Station, might as well push the boat out, after all it was good enough for Freddie Flintoff.

Yes, I think the lad took the call of home sickness a little bit to far by setting off for Blighty in a pedalo but it just shows how desperate he was.

Never mind he was up as fresh as a daisy the next morning to lead the batting collapse against the Aussies.

Pot House folk club, Hartlepool, is on a friday night.....

A folk club! I’ll start growing a beard, join the Campaign for Real Ale, buy a pair of sandals and a woolly jumper and caper about covering one of my ears when I sing then. (funnily enough, most people end up covering both their ears when they hear me)

Let the good times roll !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me too, Dave

By the way Mr Muttley, I've been told by a friend that a good way of killing slugs is to cover them with salt, I must admit I had not realised they were so suceptible to high blood pressure and have a feeling he may be taking a large portion of liberties.

Bearing this in mind, is it worth me trying to kill off one of these slimy characters using the method my friend advises, especially as I only have lo-salt in the house which claims to be a lot better for those who worry about the impact of salt on their health.

another way is to fill a tin etc full of beer and let the slug get in and drown itself dunno if theres any decent beer in leeds like

i've done this before
problem was it disolved and left a funny orange stain on the carpet


slug pellets my man

Thanks for the compliment about the ale in Leeds, you’re right, what most people don’t realise is that slugs are very discerning when it comes to beer and many down south are in fact tea-total due to the watered down muck they serve down there.

That been the case the beer trap sounds like a good option, as at least you know they’ve had a cracking night out before they peg it.

The funny thing is, I’ve got a slug that comes into my house and guess what, every so often I find him and throw him in to the grass beyond the fence at the bottom of my garden, only for him to turn up in the house again a couple of days later.

Does anyone know if slugs have homing instincts? If so I think I may have discovered a cheaper alternative to pigeon racing.

What do you reckon?

One of my favourite jokes that.

New Years and there's knock at the door, bloke opens it and there's a snail on the doorstep. Bloke picks up snail, boots it down the garden and shuts the door.

Next New Year, knock at the door, bloke opens door and snail says 'What did you do that for??'






Coat....

Nice one Kev, what's more it's made me think about the merits of slug racing. Imagine how long it would take to show a slow motion replay if their was a dead-heat. Don't fancy being referred to as a slug-fancier either come to think of it.

Is their any word on when Mr Mutley is going to emerge from his pit by the way?

None whatsoever!! He made a cameo appearance yesterday but he's probably still out on his birthday frolics.

Did anyone see the latest news about ‘Pedlo-gate’ (in fact seems it involved the sea they might as well call it Water-gate), it looks like old Freddie is in trouble with Vaughan for trying to set sail for home during the trip in the Caribbean.

It sounds like the gallant Captain wanted him keel-hauled, (mind you if you got keel-hauled by a pedlo, you’d only have to hold your breath for a couple of seconds.), but the thing that made me laugh was that Vaughan actually said that the reason Flintoffs escapade had a negative impact on the team was that it made the players too afraid to go out and enjoy themselves.

Sorry, I thought they were there to win games of cricket, no wonder they showed a lack of Pommie-granite and ended up playing like a bunch of lemons with that attitude.

Bang Out of Order.

PS. I’ve just finished building the worlds first slug-loft.

Sorry, not used to turning pages.

I'm just glad that we're not in the bottom three mate, makes a pleasand change.